Open RP Post

[burnyoudown]

🔥 Hit me up on plurk or via PM if you have any questions/want to run an idea by me first/what-have-you.
🔥 General squick/trigger list.
🔥 m/m for anything shippy.
🔥 General headcanon for Kavinsky. If you've got different headcanon/ideas for a psl, hit me with 'em; I'm flexible.
🔥 Kavinsky's kink list.
🔥 This is open to everyone who wants to thread with me!

Comments

[smiledevilish]

[When Kavinsky said that he appreciated it, seeming to mean it without being sly or cruel about it, Dimitri sighed, a little bit emotional himself. Because people didn't often take him at face value, didn't typically believe that he could offer something like this without getting something out of it, didn't see how much he ached for kinship and acceptance and something as simple as friendship. Once, he'd had Elijah, but now...

Of course he still loved Elijah.

He'd dreamt him as a child, and he'd always seemed perfect. He still was. What he really meant was that he didn't have any intention of trying to cut into what Kavinsky and Elijah had together. He could love him and be his friend, could love him and be there for the both of them. Before anything else, Elijah had been his best-friend when he was all alone. For Dimitri that felt bigger than wanting to date him.

He wanted to say something encouraging, something insightful, but all he really had to offer was understanding.]

I mean, I think that's what matters. Being willing to try. Cause- fuck- I know it can be hard. Deciding that you still want to live even after everything falls apart.

[His voice is quiet, a little bit choked up, and he looks up at the ceiling, shrugging his shoulders like it's not a big deal. Like he's not saying I know what it's like to feel like dying: but he is. And he's here; both of them chose to stay alive, one way or another. In Dimitri's case it still feels like a thing he makes his way through one day at a time.

He doesn't say that part outloud, but it's still there.]

[burnyoudown]

[He smiled and it was a little watery around the edges, a little obviously emotional. Leaning over, he bumped his shoulder against Dimitri's, friendly, understanding. He was sorry the other boy knew what it was like, how hard it could be to decide you wanted to live after everything went up in flames. He was a little grateful for it too, at the same time. That probably made him selfish or some kind of asshole, but what else was new?]

So, what're you living for? What stirs your heart?

[It was probably a deeply personal question, but he wouldn't be Kavinsky if he didn't ask those sorts of questions.]

It's alright to tell me to fuck off, too.

[smiledevilish]

[Dmitri returned the gesture, so they ended up leaning in, shoulder to shoulder, a quiet sort of intimacy, silent understanding. The Kavinsky asks him what he's living for, and he tilts his head back, looking at the ceiling of the dreamspace that they're in.]

Nah, it's alright. It's just -- it wasn't easy, obviously.

[He laughs a little, but it's wry more than anything. And if being glad that someone else knew what it was like to hate everything that staying in the world felt unbearable, well- then he was an asshole too. Of course, much like Kavinsky, he usually got the moniker anyway.]

It wasn't anything grand like that. When everything went to shit, one of my friends got me drunk and high and took me to see a movie. Which I admittedly spent most of with my head in his lap, but it was cool enough I wanted to watch it again. I wanted to- do that again. There's a painting I wanted to finish. One of my other friends wanted us all to roadtrip cross country and drive down to Cancun for his birthday, get a beachhouse for a week or until we all get sick of each other and I decided I wanted to be around for that, 'cause no one else would know how to bake the cake.

[He shrugs his shoulders, trying to find the words, stumbling as he tries to explain how he managed to keep breathing.]

At first it was just- stupid shit like that. Saying I wanted to be alive for another week or a month or until the summer or whatever. Now... well, I have my friends. And we go on dates sometimes. And I have a little sister, and I can't think of anything worse than leaving her alone with my mom. So I manage.

[It feels sad and small, and like it isn't quite enough, which it isn't, but it's honest. These days most of the time he didn't feel like he wanted to die, he just- got a little tired of being alive. But he was trying. And like he said: he thought that was what was important.]

[burnyoudown]

[He bit his tongue, held back from asking if there was an innuendo in there. He didn't really care; it wasn't any of his business. He didn't want to come across like the asshole he was and risk pushing this boy away when he had so few people in his life who were willing to be there for him.]

Those are good reasons. I don't think there's a reason to want to stay alive that's stupid or bad.

[Sometimes, Kavinsky'd wondered what it'd be like to have siblings, but he wouldn't wish his parents on anyone. Any siblings of his would've been just as fucked up as he was, probably. No one deserved that.]

You know this goes both ways, right? If you- if you need someone to talk to, any time, you can come to me. I'm a good listener, promise.

[Which might surprise some people, but- Kavinsky might not have been the best with words all of the time, but he could lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on. He could be supportive. God knew he was aware of how fucking lonely and messed up the world could be. He wanted to be able to be there for his friends, for the people who mattered in his life. Maybe because no one had ever been there for him before he'd met them. He'd spent so much of his life being lonely.]