Joseph ♔ Kavinsky (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
burnyoudown) wrote2021-07-18 04:56 pm
burnyoudown) wrote2021-07-18 04:56 pm
Entry tags:
Open RP Post
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[His breath gets a little rough, but it's with heat, not something negative. Not with worry. Instead- well, he's trying not to focus on the thought of being in bed with the two boys too much, or else he'll end up jerking off in his car before he leaves for the party. Adam didn't want this to blow up in their faces. He wanted- to take it slow, to make sure this was good for them.
But it feels good, knowing that Ronan wanted him. Ronan Lynch, who could have had anyone, and he wanted Adam Parrish. It wasn't a new feeling: it was the feeling he woke up with every morning, when he remembered Kavinsky loved him.]
You would if I let you. I know I've always made it... difficult for you. [He knows this is a tangent, but he knows how stubborn he is with these things is probably rough for the other boy. He only means to explain a little, but maybe everything else pushes it into something more.]
It's not just the money, you know. You have.. power. Over people, the world around you. And that's part of what scared me, part of why it was always easier to let Ronan do things for me than Gansey, why I fought you so hard at the beginning. I didn't want to be one of his things, I didn't want to be something else that he bought. And I thought that I didn't want to be one of your dogs.
[He takes a breath, like he's steadying himself, and his voice softens a little, his Henrietta accent coating his words, like this is some sort of secret.]
It's- security, safety. That's the other part. Gansey-- well, he was always gonna chase after whichever direction his dead king led. If I let him give me things, I'd rely on that, and then it'd all be gone whenever the wind carried him away. I figured you were sort of the same at first-- sorry.
[He apologizes for comparing him to Gansey, trying to put a little bit of levity into things. Ronan was tied to Henrietta the same way Adam was, with the weight of family names, but unlike Adam he didn't seem inclined to try and fight the pull. So as mercurial as he might be, Ronan would never leave taking every good thing with him.]
But you know, I thought eventually I was going to lose your interest and you'd walk away. So I could only accept what I could live without. But I-- I don't think that now. I think you're the best boyfriend that I could ever have found. More than Ronan, or Gansey, or anyone else in the world. And I want more. Because you make me feel safe. Like I could go to college and come back to you and kiss you in my dorm room and that we could-- make something together.
[For always. He isn't crying. He just-- okay, he is, but it doesn't feel like a bad thing, even if his ribs ache. He thinks it's just how big the feelings are. Bigger than I love you; even if he doesn't quite know the words to say them in.]
You still can't get me a car. But.. maybe some other things. We can talk about it?
[He'd meant to compromise, not spill his heart, but it feels okay anyway.]
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You don't have to apologize.
[For as much as Kavinsky disliked Gansey, being compared to him wasn't an insult. There were probably a lot of people who wished they could be compared to Dick Gansey. The real truth was, Kavinsky wasn't going anywhere. And if he did, if he wanted to see the world? He'd take Adam with him. They could go to Italy or Spain or Hawaii, but he doubted Adam would let him buy him plane tickets.
The rest though, the rest made his breath hitch in his chest, just a little. Or more than a little. He'd never considered himself a good boyfriend before. He'd been a downright shitty one in the past. But he'd always been trying with Adam. Kavinsky wanted to treat him right, to make this last. He was desperately in love with Adam but there was more to it than that. Normally, K didn't believe in shit like soulmates. But with Adam? Adam made him believe.]
Maybe I should get you a ring.
[He sounded a little choked up and normally he'd brush it off and hide it, but he was safe with Adam, he knew that.
Scrubbing at his face, he took a breath.]
Okay. Talking's good.
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[He rubbed at his eyes, damp with tears not because any of this was bad, but because he felt like he would burst with the feelings, with how his heart raced in his chest. With the sheer joy of it, of the boy he loved, that loved him back. Kavinsky was magic, not just because he was a Dreamer, but because he was good and he cared, and he filled Adam with so much love it felt like magic. If they were face to face, he'd wrap him in his arms, hold him just to anchor himself, but for now he just closed his eyes and let himself feel it, let the question echo in his bones.
Who would want to marry Adam Parrish? Joseph Kavinsky.
And Adam didn't question it, didn't wonder if it was real or if he meant it. He just.. tried to say it back. I'll say yes, the words that thrummed through it. That feeling that Adam wanted it too. He knew people would roll their eyes at the idea of them getting married, high schoolers who didn't know any better or something like that. But Kavinsky was all that he needed, all he wanted. He'd never believed in soulmates or love at first sight, or any of that romantic nonsense. He'd hardly believed that love was something that he got to have. But Kavinsky changed all of that: made his heart skip at the end of movies, when the boy kissed the girl -- just because he understood now what that feeling was supposed to be.]
Talking is good, but right now I just wanna see you.
[He doesn't cull his accent as much with Kavinsky, doesn't feel like the other boy will see him as something less-than because of it. And he might find a way to be okay with plane tickets, eventually, but for now it was just- small steps. He just wanted to feel like he stood on his own feet, like he gave back as much as Kavinsky gave him -- he was trying, anyway.]
Gimme ten minutes. And then I want you to hold me.
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He took another breath, shaky as it was, and smiled.]
Same. I'll be waiting for you, arms open.
[Not literally, but he'd definitely hold Adam when he got there.]
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[And Adam hangs up, and he starts his car.
Meanwhile, once Kavinsky hangs up the phone, Ronan downs the last of his drink. He'd been nursing it slow just so that he had something in his hands, so that he wasn't fidgeting uselessly while he waited to hear how things went. He was tense despite himself, despite the way that he was trying to look casual. He wanders over to the other boy as he starts to head towards Ronan, more or less meeting him halfway.
He's about to ask a question, except that he realizes that Kavinsky looks-- emotional? Are his eyes glassy? Ronan takes a step back as he claps a hand on his shoulder, his stomach threatening to twist itself into knots. Had he fucked things up? God- just. God he hoped not.]
Hey. Are you.. okay?
[Ronan tries to keep his voice level, so Kavinsky doesn't feel like he's entirely obvious, hopefully.]
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He laughed, a light sound.]
I'm great, actually. I think Adam just said he'd marry me if I asked him.
[He paused for a moment, head tilting to the side.]
Which is not where I expected our conversation to go.
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You asshole. Congratulations.
[He grins, hooking an arm around his shoulders after clapping him on the back a few times.]
Guess I'm not shit luck all the time. I shoulda brought-- fuck. Cigars or some shit. I'll save that for when you actually give him a ring, I guess.
[Kavinsky has a better option for a best-man, but he'd be Adam's, if he wanted him to.]
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[He was- it was still sinking in. It'd been one thing to tell Adam, over the phone maybe I should get you a ring, but it was another thing entirely to say it to Ronan. It made it feel more real, like it was actually going to happen someday. He felt light and happy and at the same time, there was a lowkey panic. What if he was a bad husband when the time came? He pushed those thoughts away though, focusing on the good part of things.
He hugged Ronan tight for a moment. He was glad Ronan didn't seem hurt by it or jealous, both of which Kavinsky might have been if the tables had been turned. But- this was good. It was good.]
I'm still not sure how 'hey, do you want to have sex with Ronan?' turned into 'hey, maybe we'll get married', but I'm sure as shit not complaining.
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You guys are gonna be good, you know that right?
[He was a little jealous, if he was honest. It was what he'd seen in the hall at Aglionby, even if it hadn't had the word marriage attached to it then. But he'd seen the way that they fit together, like halves of one another. And so he-- fuck. He didn't know if he was jealous of the two boys that he liked, that he cared about, or jealous of that feeling. But he wasn't hurt, because Ronan had hurt himself. He'd walked away from Kavinsky, not the other way around. Their relationship- he was glad they had it. Adam needed it, but he thought Kavinsky probably did too. Less assured than he tried to seem in the quieter moments.]
I mean, it's you so I'm not completely surprised. [He elbows him just a little.] But uh.. does he want to?
[He was teasing, but also- you know, he was still interested. How could he not be?]
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[It was easier to bluff than say he was unsure and worried that he'd fuck something up. If something went wrong, he knew it wouldn't be Adam's fault. Had Kavinsky ever had something good in his life that he hadn't screwed up somehow? There was only Adam.
Laughing, he grinned at Ronan at the question. He'd dropped the hint on purpose hoping he would ask, so Kavinsky wouldn't have to change the subject too drastically. Predictably, it'd worked.]
Yeah, he does. He didn't agree to anything but talking yet, but he was definitely thinking about it. Having sex with you, I mean.