burnyoudown | Open RP Post

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Open RP Post

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🔥 General squick/trigger list.
🔥 m/m for anything shippy.
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[It was a nightmare, and it simmered with anger and fear and heartwrenching helplessness. Kavinsky hadn't been expecting company- he'd never had company of this sort before so why would he? He was on his back on the floor of a house that wasn't his Henrietta mansion. His cheek had split. His father stood over him, menacing and aggressive.

The moment Adam tried to settle things, Mr Kavinsky disappeared in a curl of smoke and ash that scattered across the floor. It was the only way to make the nightmare a neutral space. Except Kavinsky didn't get up, not right away. He took a moment to process the sound of Adam's voice before pushing himself up. His hands were shaking, so he curled them into fists.]

What the fuck are you doing here?

[His hackles were raised but only defensively. He didn't know if his dream was taking a new turn or if Adam was really there. He felt real but so did a lot of things when you could do what Kavinsky did. He was a king, even battered and shaken, dark eyes filled with the last remnants of fear.

He couldn't say he hadn't dreamed of Adam before but it hadn't been in the sense of a nightmare. Was his mind turning against him in new ways or-]

Are you real?

[He raised a hand to touch his thumb to his cheek where the wound was already closing, leaving just a smudge of blood. He was a king.]

[Adam has been friends with Ronan Lynch for too long for the way that he lashes out a little to really even be notable. Kavinsky was a sharp boy just like Ronan was, just like Skov and Swan and Jiang and Proko, each in their own ways. Adam was too, of course. It was probably why he fit in here, with them, why he was closer with Ronan than Gansey these days.

He shrugs his shoulders, and he wars with himself between helping Kavinsky to his feet and pretending like he doesn't need it. He compromises, holding a hand out- something he can take if he wants, or ignore it if it's too much. But Adam had never really had someone to offer him kindness. Gansey offered him pity, always tried to save him when Adam had wanted to save himself, when really what he'd wanted was just someone to be there, that they cared for him anyway, that he'd be okay.

He might not have caught the specifics, but he'd caught the anger and the fear and the helplessness. And that was enough.]

Yeah, I'm real. I could feel- something felt wrong. Are you okay?

[He rather expects to get laughed at for the attempt, but he asks anyway. Because even if Kavinsky can't bring himself to acknowledge it outloud, he wants him to know that Adam cares about the answer. He wont blame him if it's too much like vulnerability. He'd known that K's mother was a bitch, which was something that Adam empathized with, but regarding his father he really just knew the rumors.

His answer about whether he's real is maybe an over-simplification, but he figures it's the part that K is really asking for -- they can talk about the details later.]

[He actually took Adam's hand, accepting the help, but didn't comment on it. It meant something to him that Adam seemed like he cared. There were very few people in his life who cared about him; he could probably count them on one hand. But Adam had fallen in with his boys and that meant something too. All Kavinsky'd ever wanted to do for his boys was offer them a safe place to be themselves, to grow and flourish.

He swallowed around the lump in his throat when Adam asked if he was okay. Did he look like he was okay? He didn't laugh, just- shrugged a little.]

I'm better now.

[It was an attempt at sounding casual but he wasn't sure if he entirely succeeded. He wasn't sure what question to ask first, either. How was Adam here? How had he felt something wrong? Was he a dreamer, too?

Kavinsky took a breath, gaze cutting away from Adam. He shouldn't have seen this, shouldn't have witnessed the nightmare, no matter how brief it'd been. There was a reason why Kavinsky tried so hard to put on a brave face and a tough facade. He didn't want people to know about his fears and weaknesses.]

So, what, I set off some kind of damsel in distress beacon or something?

[Adam helps him to his feet, but he doesn't focus on it, doesn't talk about it. It was enough that the other boy was willing to allow it; he wasn't going to press, to make him acknowledge that he'd needed it. He was just trying to help, as much as Kavinsky would allow him to.

He nods when he says that he's better, and that's- he knows it can be hard to admit that you weren't, so he doesn't take it for granted. If anything, K's walls seemed even harder than his own. But maybe it was a little different, being together here, being in his dreams.]

I'm glad.

[He knew he'd seen something that he shouldn't have, and he does what he'd have wanted- he grants Kavinsky the luxury of pretending that maybe he hadn't. He tries to keep from forcing him to acknowledge his trauma, even if he'd be willing to hold it. Adam just gives him his care, his empathy-- He might have slowly realized that the boy was human, that he had fears; he has the sort of nightmares that Adam understands so deeply it makes his heart ache. But that doesn't make him pitiable.]

You are pretty enough. But no, I didn't know it was you- no damsel alarm. It's just because I'm so close here. I'm simplifying things, but I'm connected to the ley line and you touch it when you dream. If I was in St. Agnes I'd be too far to hear you clearly, but like this I could tell that something was wrong. And I couldn't just let that happen.

[He teases him a little, even if it comes out almost like flirtation and Adam is the one that flushes. It was supposed to be an attempt to give him some sort of normalcy as he tries to explain all of this in a way that's simple enough for the moment. Make it feel a bit less like Adam had just stepped into his nightmares uninvited, and more like the night that had proceeded it.

Admittedly, he doesn't talk about Ronan, doesn't say the word Dreamer. But Adam has always been more circumspect about these things than either Ronan or Gansey. More scared of the consequences, of who else might be interested in these things. Even before it had been revealed that there were people that employed hitmen. But he was still willing to trust Kavinsky with his own secrets, at least.]

I'm not like you. But I can make it quieter for you.

[Adam wasn't a King.

He couldn't tell the dream what form to take and bring it back in his hands. But he could affect the tone, the way the energy flowed- he thought he could keep Kavinsky's nightmares away, at least. He's been practicing with Persephone, but it's not like Ronan was a willing volunteer. They'd stumbled into each other once, strangely. A quiet moment as Adam and Persephone had gone around fixing the breaks in the ley line. The places that hadn't been cared for in so long.

And standing on one of the points on the ley line, he could see into Ronan's dream, and Ronan had seen him where he stood- like bending the line between reality and dreams. Scrying when he was inside his own skin. Strange, but not something Ronan had been interested in trying to replicate. So he hasn't really done a lot of this specifically with dreams before. But Adam's always been a sharp student.]

Edited 2022-07-01 07:16 (UTC)

[Kavinsky nodded like that made perfect sense. In reality, it mostly did. He didn't know how whatever Adam could do worked and he wasn't eager for all the gritty details right now, so simplifying it was good enough. He just made mental notes to ask about things like what it was Adam was doing and what the ley line was at a later date.]

Would you have still stepped in if you'd known it was me?

[That felt more important than what Adam was doing or even his potential flirting and the way that he flushed. Under better circumstances, Kavinsky would have latched onto that, teased him about it, flirted back. Maybe he was still flirting, in his own way, though it was more serious. He wasn't smiling. He didn't even smirk. His eyes were intense and he was probably standing too close to Adam but Kavinsky had never been big about personal space.]

What does it cost you to make it quieter?

[Everything cost something, didn't it? Even the dreaming. Especially the dreaming. There was always a price. If Adam had found him in a different dream, this would probably be going completely differently. But Kavinsky was raw edges and unprepared. The cat was out of the bag and couldn't be put back in but Adam Parrish knowing he was a dreamer felt like a small thing to worry about right now.]

[Adam stepped in closer at the question, touched fingers hesitantly against the other boy's chest, like he could answer it without words. But even in a dream he knew that saying things mattered, and he wasn't as incapable as Ronan, even if he'd never have Gansey's honeyed charm.]

Of course. I know we're not close, but you're still.. You matter to me.

[And it's true, as he looks up at Kavinsky, meets his dark eyes for a moment. And not just because of this, because of seeing his hurts and raw edges. But he cared about his boys, he took in people with nowhere else to go and gave them a home, let them find that in each other. So even if Adam was not personally close to Kavinsky, he still cared about him, he still valued what he did and who he was to Swan and Skov and Jiang and Proko.

He hasn't said it, but he understood why Ronan was drawn to him.

At the question he smiles a little bit thinly, sharp and not-quite dangerous; but it's not something really aimed at Kavinsky.]

A sacrifice. My hands and eyes. At the beginning it was so much and I couldn't understand it, but it's better now. Since I'm close to you, it's almost easy. I bring seeds for the forest. I find places the ley line can't flow and find ways to bend it. I do the things it can't do for itself.

[Adam doesn't regret his choice. Of course, he was hard-headed and stubborn and would never have admitted it to Ronan or Gansey even if he had, but it's true. It's less terrifying now, less overwhelming. They can speak to each other and Adam can feel it on his skin. Kavinsky wasn't wrong about there being a price, but Adam didn't really mind the cost.

The real cost was in time; like everything in his life was.]

[Maybe Kavinsky was selfish. Maybe he was just needy. But it was good to hear that he mattered to Adam. He felt like he was nothing if he didn't matter to at least one person. Sometimes, it was easy to doubt how much his boys cared about him when they weren't prone to talking about it. He'd never admit to being a person who needed reassurances, but he was.]

We could be close.

[He was starting to feel like himself again and the words came out nearly like a purr. He rested his hands on Adam's hips, mostly for the sake of touching him. Plus, it steadied his still shaky hands.

Adam was something else. It didn't sound like he'd been born with this power but that didn't make him any less special in Kavinsky's eyes. Power always came from somewhere, though he didn't know where his own ability with dreams had originated. He might never know- but that was okay, too. He didn't have to know everything, after all.]

Not everyone would make a sacrifice like that. It takes someone who's brave. But of course, you are.

[Adam was one of Kavinsky's, and he didn't typically befriend cowards. He wouldn't consider any of his boys cowards, just misfits who'd needed space to grow into their own.]

[Adam understands needing reassurances. He'd never admit it, but he wants it, too. He understood that words were important as much from the way that he desires them himself, as from the ways that the things his father said haunted him. His breath catches a little at Kavinsky's words, and he looks at him, unsure but not uninterested. Kavinsky's hands pressed to his hips, his voice like a purr and Adam just-- god.

It felt impossible not to fall for him, at least a little. When you had his attention like this, how did you refuse it? And it wasn't like he was exclusive with Skov and Swan, even if he was still sort of figuring out how that worked. He thought anyone in the pack was okay. But Kavinsky himself?]

Do you want to be?

[The words aren't quite smooth, but there's an intensity to it, genuine and heavy with suggestion. He doesn't look away, isn't sure he could if he wanted to because Kavinsky's dark eyes feel a little bit magnetic. He cares about him, and he thinks that he wants to be closer. Both in the way that means I want to touch you and the softer one that meant something that Adam didn't quite know the words for just yet.]

It wasn't really brave. I was.. I didn't want anyone else to have it. When we're awake, I'll tell you the story, if you want to hear it.

[Not even Gansey, though he doesn't say that outloud. But for a moment, there's something in his eyes, the side of himself that he tries to keep buried, hungry and dark. Adam is a sharp thing, because he was never given the option to be anything else.

When you hit a blade a hundred times you either broke it or honed the edge.

So at school he mimicks Gansey's mannerisms and his accent, like that could make him into something softer and more acceptable. But Kavinsky and his boys, they make him feel like maybe he's okay. Like maybe he doesn't have to sculpt himself into someone else in order to get what he needs. Like he can still be desirable, even with his Henrietta drawl that curls around the edges of his words. He isn't sure if it's true or not, but he likes the way that it makes him feel.

He lets his fingers against Kavinsky's chest slide up until they brush against his shoulder, curling them at the back of his neck, drawing him in just a little closer. Close enough to kiss, though he doesn't say it. But it's in his body, in the way that he shifts in towards him.]

But I like that you think I am.

Do you want to be?

[He turned the question right around at Adam but he wasn't trying to deflect. He just wanted to know what the other boy wanted. It was easier to be open and honest when he knew what other people wanted, especially in a situation like this. But to be truthful, even if it wasn't out loud, he did want to be close with Adam.]

It still takes bravery to make a sacrifice. Not everyone's cut out for it.

[Especially if it was something that could give up any sort of autonomy. People valued that, and so did Kavinsky. His free will was everything to him.

They were close enough to kiss now, and though Kavinsky's gaze flickered down to Adam's mouth, he didn't go through with it. Instead, he wrapped his arms around the other boy, pulled him even closer, and tucked his head against his shoulder. Kavinsky'd wanted to do that since he'd realized Adam was there but he hadn't allowed himself for fear of seeming weak. Enough time had passed now, he thought, that it would be alright.

Kavinsky took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and exhaled slowly. Adam was warm and solid and real despite this being a dream and- Kavinsky was finally coming down from the adrenaline and panic of earlier.]

[Adam laughs softly, a tilt of his head and the way that he looks at Kavinsky is searing. Because he's gorgeous and popular and everything that Adam isn't. Or that was what he had thought before, anyway. Now, here- it was his eyelashes and the way he always felt dangerous despite his rough edges, despite that he was still hurting.]

Is that even a question? Everyone wants you. [A breath.] I want you. But I want more of you than you give the boys at your parties.

[It's not quite the question that Kavinsky had asked, but it feels like the one that he'd meant. And Adam.. well, he's been showing up at the other boy's parties for a while by now. He's ben watching him, in part because he watched Swan and Skov, but also just because Kavinsky was magnetic, a dark star. No one seemed to see his light, but the gravity was undeniable.

He doesn't say it like a demand, but like a fact. He hasn't let himself get close to Kavinsky because of it. Because he gives so little of himself away and Adam is greedy. Skov would tell him he wasn't, that asking for what he need isn't greed. But to Adam, love has always seemed like a privilege, and he's still unlearning the feeling. But he says it, which is probably progress, the fact that he allows to acknowledge this boy he doesn't deserve. That he lets it exist, lets himself acknowledge both that he wants him and why he's never let himself close enough before.

He doesn't quite know how to say thank you when Kavinsky insists it still takes bravery. And he's not wrong, really. When Adam's free-will, his autonomy was something that he'd suffer for. Someone's death wasn't really a sacrifice, it wasn't that simple.

Kavinsky doesn't kiss him, he wrapped his arms around the other boy, and Adam didn't know if it was a response to what he'd said about wanting more of him, but Adam pulls him into his arms anyway. Kavinsky's lovely, but he's also skinny, taller than Adam, but less muscle, less weight to him. So it's easy to draw him into his arms, to lean their temples together, to let himself feel like he could protect him.

It's easier to focus on than the secret he's keeping. The one that he has to face his father in court.]

[Of course it was even a question. Everyone might have wanted Kavinsky but they also wanted things from him. They wanted drugs or forgeries or sex or just to make out with him for a while to say they had. So when Adam said he wanted more of him than he gave to the boys at his parties, it felt like his pulse skipped a beat or two. It was one thing to be wanted for the things he could provide and another entirely to be wanted for who he was. He could give more of himself to Adam. He could open up to him, let him inside. They were already in Kavinsky's head--how much scarier could it be, to be honest with Adam?]

Okay.

[He closed his eyes, drinking in the feeling of Adam's arms around him. One could argue that Kavinsky was never hugged enough and that was why he'd turned out the way he had. They'd probably be right. It was especially hard now to keep up appearances and keep his reputation intact when there was a part of him that was desperate for this kind of contact. It was different than the way he was physical with his boys, always touching or slinging an arm around their shoulders.

He didn't think Adam was going to judge him for this.]

When we're awake- I want you in my bed.

[It wasn't an innuendo, shockingly. He wasn't asking for sex. He just wanted to curl up with Adam and talk before they fell asleep again. About what Adam could do and how he'd gotten this ability and what the shape of their relationship could be.]

[Kavinsky says okay and it spikes warmth through his veins. Because whatever he'd been expecting-- it wasn't acceptance, wasn't the way that the other boy says it as if it's something that he'd willing to give him, and his heart lurches in his chest. He hugs him just a little bit closer, brushes his cheek against him just for the contact, the warmth of his body against him, even if it is a dream. Adam was desperate for it too, if he was honest. It was how things had started with Skov and Swan, really.

He'd just been so glad that someone wanted to touch him like this.

So no, he doesn't judge Kavinsky for it. Not when he understands it so well himself. He does, however, flush at that request. Because Kavinsky might not mean it as an innuendo, but it definitely sounds like one. But it sounds like more than one, too. Adam's breath catches and he stumbles a bit when he tries to figure out how to say it.]

I-- yeah. Okay. I'd like that.

[He knew he'd have to talk to Skov and Swan about things, but he figured that could wait until morning. He wanted to cuddle with Kavinsky, he wanted to talk so that it felt real, like this was really something that he got to have, that he could wind himself up in the other boy and maybe- help ease his nightmares. He didn't know for sure, but he wanted to hug him, he wanted to be something good for him.]

[This was the kind of contact Kavinsky usually only had with Prokopenko--the only one of his boys he didn't have to posture around and be the tough guy. Proko had seen him at his worst, at his lowest, and didn't judge him for it. Adam had seen just a sliver of that and it didn't seem like he was going to judge Kavinsky for it, either. It was a comfort just as much as the physical contact.

Pulling back just a little, Kavinsky kissed Adam on the cheek. It was a lot more chaste than he was usually capable of, but he also didn't want Adam to think he only wanted him for his body--as nice as his body was there was more to it than that.]

How about we get out of here? I don't feel much like dreaming anymore.

[Another night though, another night he could show Adam so many wonderful, lovely things. They could do so many things. He was eager to share all of the possibilities and potential with the other boy but- all of his creativity had been drained from him right now and it was hard not to think about his father again. It would be easier to distract himself when they were both awake.]

[Adam smiled at the way that Kavinsky kissed his cheek. It was... sweet. Unexpectedly so, to be honest. But he shifted a little, sliding fingers into the other boy's hair, pressing a kiss to his temple. Intimate, but not quite chaste, sweet but a little suggestive. Because Adam was greedy, and he wanted everything. It was different than with Skov and Swan, where he'd always known there was a line to what he could have, and it wasn't one that he'd been interested in crossing.

Kavinsky was different. It felt riskier, but also- like there was a chance for more. He smiles at him at the question, nodding in agreement.]

Yeah, that sounds good. I'll see you soon.

[He pulls back from him slowly, holding his hands for a moment, and then he blurs into the air. For Adam it's less like waking up and more like finding his body again, fitting himself back into his skin. It's easier than usual, because he hardly went anywhere at all. But he splashes water on his face, pats his skin dry, and then... goes and knocks on Kavinsky's bedroom door.

He tries to look like his heart isn't racing, but it is.]

[Rarely did he feel as content as he did in this moment when Adam touched his hair and kissed him. 'Content' was a valuable feeling for how fleeting and difficult to obtain it was. He wanted Adam to keep touching him, to pet his hair and just- stay like this. But he was also the one who didn't want to hang around in this dream any longer. They could touch for real in Kavinsky's bedroom.

He woke with a slight start after Adam departed the dream, blinking up at the ceiling. He turned on a lamp across the room for some light that wasn't overpowering and then...he waited. When Adam knocked, Kavinsky was there a moment later, hair still sleep mussed, dressed only in boxers. He didn't bother trying to look casual as he ushered Adam into the room.]

So how long have you had tricks up your sleeve?

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