burnyoudown | Open RP Post

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Open RP Post

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🔥 General squick/trigger list.
🔥 m/m for anything shippy.
🔥 General headcanon for Kavinsky. If you've got different headcanon/ideas for a psl, hit me with 'em; I'm flexible.
🔥 Kavinsky's kink list.
🔥 This is open to everyone who wants to thread with me!

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I almost kissed you. At that party last week, when I left early. It was because--

[He shrugs his shoulders, flushing just a little, and he holds the roses out to Kavinsky. Because he means the sentiment, what they represent. He still isn't sure if Kavinsky is interested in sharing, but Adam was probably right about letting K be the one to make that decision. It was just-- this felt like vulnerability, which Ronan still wasn't good with. But he was trying. Stripping down his walls to admit that he wanted him, and not being certain if the other boy still wanted him, still thought he was worth the effort.]

Keeping you at arms' length was the only way I could be friends. I wasn't doing it on purpose, but I was still doing it- pushing you away because it was safer, easier.

[He sighs softly, actually looks a little bit guilty when he admits that.]

So I wanted to talk. See if there was a way to make this work. See if you wanted to try. Because I've been lying about what you meant to me and you deserve better than that.

[He took the roses, unmindful of any thorns until one nearly pricked him. He gave them a sniff, entranced for a moment with both their beauty and what Ronan was saying. Speaking of- he wasn't entirely confident he knew what Ronan was saying. He had a hope, an assumption, but he'd been wrong before when he assumed things.]

Okay. You're going to have to be a little clearer on what we're talking about so I don't get my hopes up for nothing.

[Things had been kind of fucky in the past and maybe he'd blamed Ronan before for holding him at arm's length when all Kavinsky had wanted was to orbit around him but they were still young. There was still time. It was better late than never.

He held up a hand, the one not occupied with roses.]

I got the part where this is like a date and where you like me, but- is this gonna be a fling or something long-term?

I don't know how to say this, so just- listen for a second.

[Not that he thought that Kavinsky wouldn't listen, but-- he just wanted to make sure that he let him get to the end, say all of it before jumping to conclusions. And he knew that was probably a worrying sentiment, but he wanted to make sure he understood all of it rather than just answering the question. Because it'd be a lie if he didn't tell him about Adam.]

After the party I talked to Adam. He uh, didn't break up with me? I guess he'd realized I was still in love with you since I started dating him, and I'm just-- an idiot. He said it was okay. I didn't think sharing was your style, but Adam thought that I should let that be your choice.

So... I dunno. If I was going to ask you, then I wanted to do it for real. I wanted to show you that I wanted you, get you flowers and dress up a little. I wanted.. you to believe that I thought you were worth dating, cause I know I was a dick about it. Back then it never occurred to me that I could choose you both.

[He sighs, looks a little bit sheepish, but his eyes are still warm and he's shockingly earnest as he looks at the other dreamer. He might not have said I love you word for word, but he'd said it, let Kavinsky hear it. Part of the reason he'd wanted K to shut up and listen was because he had absolutely rehearsed that first part a few times. He'd been afraid he'd clam up, that he wouldn't say it, that he'd settle for liked you or something. Deny the fact that his heart skipped just from being in the same room.

He shifts, moves in a little bit closer, standing too close like he's allowed to let his attraction be something real, more than a secret buried in a field of dreams.]

So what this is, it's up to you. But you don't have to decide now; I mean, we've got all night.

[Kavinsky listened. Especially when Ronan said he was still in love with him. It made his heart lurch. It just- it took him a moment to catch up with the fact Ronan was dating Adam and...wanted to date Kavinsky, too? He wouldn't have figured Ronan for the type to do that. But then again, how much had he really known about Ronan beyond what he presented himself as, what he shared with other people? He hadn't even known Ronan was in love with him. Which, you know, he was still thinking about, as if there was anything else he could be thinking about right now.

Ronan was lucky. Lucky to have a boyfriend like Adam, who apparently didn't mind sharing him with someone else. Lucky because- Kavinsky could play well with others, too. And he was hopelessly attracted to Ronan, even now. He just couldn't help it. How could he not be attracted to Ronan?

The other dreamer stepped closer and Kavinsky had to resist the urge to kiss him. He thought he might be allowed, but-]

Okay. So, if I yes, of course, I want to fuckin' date you, does that mean I can kiss you now?

[Now as in right now, because Kavinsky was rarely good at restraint.]

[Ronan exhales and it's almost a laugh, helplessly giddy with the fact that Kavinsky says yes, of course. Ronan's nodding, reaching out tentatively to curl his fingertips at the back of his neck, not drawing him in but just touching because he's allowed to and it feels like a better high than almost anything. That thrill, that promise, promise racing in his veins almost like when he'd first kissed Adam.

He'd been-- fuck, he didn't know. It hadn't felt like a sure thing, Ronan hadn't been sure that Kavinsky wouldn't snarl the sort of words that he deserved.]

Yeah, it does- fuck K, I want you to kiss me.

[His heartbeat is racing in his chest, because- god, he could scarcely believe that he got to be this greedy. He's always been greedy, once you got down to it, but he hated showing it. And his experience with what being involved with multiple people looked like had been Declan and there was no part of how he treated people that Ronan had been willing to emulate.

But he'd talked with Adam- a lot- and figured out that he didn't have to. Slowly he'd figured out that they could do it different. That Ronan could shape this in a way to make sense for him. And this made sense to him. The idea of kissing Kavinsky because he wanted to, and because Adam knew that he wanted to, and because impossibly both boys were willing to let him have what he needed. Because he'd tried to fold the fact that he'd been in love with him into a secret he could hide from himself, tried to keep Kavinsky far enough away that he didn't have to face it--

And it hadn't really been good to either of them. So he he's willing to give him this, his desire and everything he's buried. Because he just wants him. He wants to be honest with the other boy for maybe the first time in all the time that they've spent together. He lets his other hand slide down and catch K's belt loop, tugging the other dreamer in towards him. His intention is to navigate them back into the house, but not just yet. Because he wants this now too.]

[Kavinsky was greedy, too. He always had been; there was so much he'd never been able to have. No one would suspect it, probably. Most people thought he was the kind of guy who had whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, but he lacked things where it really mattered. He lacked love, specifically feeling loved. So the idea that Ronan was in love with him and wanted him and that Kavinsky got to have this- it almost felt too good to be true, like he was going to wake up and this was all a dream.

He rested his unoccupied hand on Ronan's shoulder and leaned in to kiss him. It was soft, not shy or hesitant just- sweeter than someone would probably think he was capable of. It was their first kiss and while he knew the spiel about how first kisses should be special he also knew it wasn't like either of them hadn't kissed someone else before this. But still- the hungry, devouring kisses could come later. It seemed like there was going to be plenty of time.

He hoped Ronan hadn't expected him to say no to this or be unsure. Though Kavinsky was very capable of being jealous (it was the primary reason he'd taunted Ronan about Gansey so much, before), he knew enough about Adam that being jealous of him would feel sort of wrong.]

You know...reality might be better than dreams.

[At least, where Ronan was concerned and being able to kiss him.]

[Ronan actually hadn't been sure if Kavinsky would say yes. It was easy to see him as the boy that had everything -- but there was the implication of something else, too. That when he'd said no that he'd stolen something. It was enough for him to hope that Kavinsky needed this too. Because Ronan did, even if he had needed Adam to tell him that he was allowed to feel this way, had needed to have someone he could talk through the mess of his feelings and keep him from flinching. Was it any wonder that he hadn't been able to manage it on his own that summer?

But Kavinsky puts his hand on his shoulder, and he kisses him and Ronan-- he thinks that this is okay, that this good too. They've lost time because he couldn't imagine loving two boys at once, but they still got here, in the end. And Kavinsky kisses him like it's something sweet, softer than he would have expected. Ronan's mouth is sweet too; yearning, needy, and he holds onto the other boy, lingering in the kiss, like there was no rush, like they had all night.

It's not desperate and devouring, but it's still hungry for him. It's still the sort of kiss that aches for him, it's just- not overtly sexual. Because while he meant it when he said that if Kavinsky wanted just one night together, he'd give him that... What he wanted was this. Touching, kissing, the feelings that Ronan is trying to say with his mouth without the words. Because the words are hard for him, they fail him so often when he needs them. Kissing is-- it's always been better, easier.

But it had felt like it would have been cheap, would have been cheating if he had tried to kiss him without saying it first. I'm in love with you. So he tries to say it with how he kisses him, pulls Kavinsky in close so that he can curl his arms around him, hugging him just because-- because he needs it. And he thinks that maybe the two of them wouldn't have spent so many months still hurting in such different, complicated ways, if Ronan had just hugged him back on that summer's day.

He doesn't really know how to say sorry, so he just- he tries to say this instead. That it means something. That they have a future together, if Kavinsky is willing to try.]

[Kavinsky usually acted tough, sarcastic, inappropriate--the list went on. Really, deep down, he was sort of soft. Or maybe more than 'sort of'. Ronan wrapped his arms around him and K practically melted against him. It was everything he'd ever wanted, to be wrapped up in Ronan's arms and kiss him. Alright, so he wanted more than that, too, but this was just as important as everything else. Maybe more important. It was their first kiss and he didn't want it to end.

Mindful of the flower in his hand, he slid his arms around Ronan, other hand cupping the back of his neck. It was just- this moment was so important to him. It meant so much. Up until this moment, he would have given anything to experience this. Now he had it and- he pulled away for just a moment, sucking in a breath, and kissed Ronan again.

He hadn't even thought about it before saying yes. Of course, he was going to say yes. He didn't mind that Ronan was dating Adam, too. Kavinsky could share; he could play nice. Adam seemed like a decent enough guy, too, especially if he was alright with this. Ronan Lynch was in love with K and that- it meant the world to him. He didn't usually think of himself as a romantic but at the same time, he wanted almost nothing as much as he wanted to be loved. Especially by Ronan; he was Kavinsky's dream boy.

He'd always been a little envious of his boys, his pack. Proko had Swan and Skov had Jiang and Kavinsky'd had...no one. But that had changed now. Kavinsky had meant what he said; he thought that reality could be better than dreams if it involved Ronan wanting him.]

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