burnyoudown | Open RP Post

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Open RP Post

🔥 Hit me up on plurk or via PM if you have any questions/want to run an idea by me first/what-have-you.
🔥 General squick/trigger list.
🔥 m/m for anything shippy.
🔥 General headcanon for Kavinsky. If you've got different headcanon/ideas for a psl, hit me with 'em; I'm flexible.
🔥 Kavinsky's kink list.
🔥 This is open to everyone who wants to thread with me!

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

i want a lot

but to start with-
can you get steroids?
you know. T?

[Gansey smiled, couldn't help feeling a little bit helpless at the way that Kavinsky didn't look away from him. So he just- he reached out, catching the other boy's hand with his own, a slight tug as he started to lead him away from his boys and towards where he had parked the Camaro.

And then there was that question, and he laughs a little bit wryly, a slight tilt of his head as he looked at him. His heart doing something strange and unexpected. There were a half dozen reasons, but he was sure that they both knew what they were. So instead he focuses on the other parts of it. Lets himself- maybe both of them- pretend that they could. Traitorous and daring.]

Would you want to come? You'd have to drive up- Helen's picking me up in the helicopter, and I don't think there'd be room. And you'd have to let me see what you look like in a suit.

[He grins at that last part, shooting Kavinsky an almost filthy sort of look- the sort of thing that was just for him, that no one else had ever pulled out of him.]

[Well, that was a new request.]

yeah i can get that
you sure you don't want something more fun, tho?

[It didn't take much encouragement for Kavinsky to start following after Gansey, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

He thought about it, really thought, as they walked. It'd be boring, probably. But he'd also have near-infinite chances to make Gansey blush and try to corner him somewhere alone to fool around. The Kavinskys weren't exactly high society, but he did actually own a suit. Sure, it might have been for Halloween the previous year, but it was still a suit.]

On a scale of one to ten how boring do you think it's going to be?

[That was clearly the biggest concern and not everything else.

He smirked, a quick flash of teeth. He had a feeling showing Gansey how he looked in a suit would end up with his clothes on the floor.]

I'll have you know I clean up nice.

[Elijah would like that too, honestly. He liked being close, being cuddled up with them, feeling a little bit less alone. The only reason that he'd shied from making out with K up until now was because he hadn't wanted that moment- the one where Kavinsky realized that he didn't really have a dick in his pants and suddenly he was... not good enough.

Getting top surgery was more or less good enough for him for now. He didn't know if he wanted more than that. He has the luxury of having the money for it, and his parents' support, the ability to get on a plane to see whatever doctor could offer the best care- but he had yet to hear about a procedure that would give him a dick like any other cisguy. And if he couldn't have that, he didn't know if halfway would be better than what he had.

And so even if he was more or less okay with his body, it was other people he worried about. Impossible to tell who would be okay with who he was and who wouldn't, unless he asked, outed himself, or if he waited until his clothes came off. Needless to say, as much as he wanted, he'd never been willing to make himself that vulnerable for someone.

Except that he'd ended up like this anyway. And K's hand is a comfort on his shoulder, the way that he says he's safe- in all the ways that he's never been safe. Not outside of home. He nods slowly, murmuring a soft thank you when he says he wont tell the other guys.

And then he just gives into the urge he's been fighting and just steps in, pressing up against the other boy, one hand clutching against his ribs in the fabric of his shirt. Eli presses his face into his shoulder and he's maybe- he maybe sniffles a little bit. He's not upset, he's just a little bit overwhelmed. So many things he could say, but instead it's one of the things he'd meant to say earlier, when Kavinsky had killed one of his nightmares.]

You can make dreams too.

A ten, probably. I think it's insufferable.

[Kavinsky can probably pick up on the fact that Gansey doesn't really want to go. But getting out of it would be more complicated than Ronan would ever really understand. He couldn't just not go.]

But- you can whisper and tell me what you really think of all the rich assholes and political hopefuls.

[They're almost to the Camaro, but Gansey pauses, still holding onto his hand as he presses his other hand to his side, leaning up for a kiss.]

And I can maybe make it up to you.

[This was insane, ridiculous. There were a dozen reasons this was a terrible idea that he shouldn't even be considering- but he was. And more than just considering it, he wanted it. He wanted Kavinsky there, wanted to see him in a suit, wanted to steal a kiss behind a champagne flute just out of view. He felt warm just thinking about it.]

Yeah? You'll have to show me.

[Kavinsky looped his other arm around Elijah and held onto him. He couldn't imagine what it was like to go through any of the things Elijah probably had, but- he could commiserate about the dreaming, at least.]

Yeah, I can.

[He pressed a soft kiss against the side of the other boy's head, a small comfort, he hoped. A little sign of affection.

He wasn't sure their dreams worked the same way, not after he'd seen what'd happened with Elijah's tattoos, but it was close enough. Enough that Kavinsky felt a longing to understand it more, to keep Elijah in his life. It might have been a selfish desire, but he didn't want to feel alone anymore. He didn't want to be alone. He knew he had his boys, but they weren't the same, they couldn't understand.

It was part of why he'd do whatever he could to help Elijah with his dreams. The other part was just- he did like helping people, contrary to what was probably the popular belief.]

You know the odds of the two of us finding each other is probably astronomical.

[The two of them being able to bring dreams into reality. He didn't know how many others there were who were like them, but. It was probably a relatively low number.]

Sounds like more of a reason I should go. Insufferable shit's always better with someone you know, right?

[He could be moral support or...something. He wasn't sure he'd ever legitimately been moral support for anybody ever but there was always a first for everything.

Humming into the kiss when they paused, he brushed his fingers through Gansey's hair. The more they talked about this the more he legitimately wanted to go. Part of it was maybe just to spite people who thought poorly of him or his family, but the other part- he wanted to go to be with Gansey. He might even get to meet his parents.]

I'm sure you could. And I will. I'll show you.

Yeah. It is. Especially if it's you.

[He couldn't help grinning, almost humming in his throat with a flutter of his eyelashes as Kavinsky brushed his fingers through his hair. He'd wanted to ask him how he felt about maybe dating for real; which really meant, how he felt about Gansey telling Ronan. K's boys already knew, and they weren't the ones that he worried would take it badly. But all of a sudden it felt like they were talking seriously about K coming with him to DC, and it was so much more than he would have dreamed of asking for.

But he wanted it anyway. He pulls back from the kiss just a little, looking up into the other boy's dark eyes, leaning up eager and exuberant.]

You will? I want you to. I want- to have you there with me.

[He doesn't let go of him, doesn't pull away, just softly tugs Kavinsky with him the remaining distance to the Camaro. So he can lean back against the side of the car, pulling the other boy up against him. Really, he needed to get his keys out, get the car door open, get them inside... But that could wait a little bit longer.

He kisses him again, a pleased murmur on his mouth.]

[It was flattering to know that Gansey wanted him along, knowing that he thought K made things more tolerable. Kavinsky could be pretty intolerable himself, he knew. Most of the time, it was on purpose.

It did feel like they were talking about this seriously, when Kavinsky'd started out joking about it. But now he was imagining himself there with Gansey, imagining the other boy in a suit, charming people, being ridiculously attractive. Kavinsky never got invited to things like this; he couldn't blame people, really, but part of him still did. So what if he wouldn't even want to go most of the time? It was the principle of the thing.]

I want to be there with you.

[He could be civilized for a few days; he could do it.

He hummed into the kiss, nipping gently at Gansey's lower lip when he pulled back.]

I won't embarrass you.

[Probably.]

[Elijah just trembled, a shiver running down his spine at the feeling of how Kavinsky wrapped his arms around him. His breath caught, uneven and shaky as he pressed a kiss to the side of his head. Comfort and affection- the sort that Elijah usually flinched from, but Kavinsky knew now, so that took most of the fear out of it. The dreaming was easier to talk about, though. So even as he balled his fingers in the other boy's shirt, pressing into his body, he didn't talk about it.]

You'll really help me? I've always been on my own.

[And clearly not doing great with it, if this was any indication.

He's not good at asking for help, but he's trying to be receptive. He didn't quite know how to say please, but he hoped that was close enough. He lets his other hand press low against K's spine, like a wordless affirmation, a whisper of affection he couldn't have spelled out.]

Probably. But-- fuck. I'm glad we did. That I met you.

[The words are soft, a little muffled as he says them more into Kavinsky's shoulder than to his face. He's not good at this- being vulnerable, saying that sort of stuff that was sort of helplessly affectionate. He wouldn't say he had a crush on him, exactly, it was just- how did you orbit around Kavinsky without wanting him a little? How did you find someone whose soul was the same and not want to hold onto them? Elijah didn't know how, anyway.]

Yeah. Can't just dump you out onto the street or something, can I?

[Maybe somebody else would, but he wasn't about to.]

I know that feeling. I had to teach myself everything.

[But he'd done better with his dreaming than Elijah was. Though Elijah's also seemed to work differently so maybe that was part of it, too. But keeping your dreams from escaping your head- that shit could be hard. It was just as hard as bringing exactly what you intended out of your dream, the way you wanted it. He'd spent months, years, practicing until he'd gotten things just right. Some things were harder than others, too.

He didn't say anything about the vulnerability of the moment. He didn't even think of teasing Elijah for anything. There was nothing to tease about; they'd both had a traumatic experience that could have ended poorly but they were both alright. Secrets had been revealed and- Kavinsky knew that could be tough. He might've seemed casual about being a dreamer and killing dreams and all of that, but he felt charged with new possibilities.

There was someone like him who actually wanted to be around him. He wasn't alone. He would do what he could to teach Elijah and if they could combine their abilities...who knew what they could be capable of together.]

I'm glad we met, too.

[Skov and Elijah fighting isn't surprising; it happens all the time. But it plays out a bit different this time- because usually Eli backs off, pulls away before it was too obvious how blurred the line was between this and foreplay. But tonight he just peels off his tee-shirt, damp with sweat, tossing it on the floor as he asks Skov if he's tapping out. It's trust, and also a quiet renegotiation of where the lines used to be. Because Elijah isn't scared anymore, scared that the boys knowing who he is, what he is, will mean losing it all.

Turns out Skov isn't done, either-- or at least isn't willing to back off from the challenge. Or maybe just knows that Eli needs something tonight, and doesn't know how to say it.

Eventually, of course, the boys are spent one way or another, and K's other puppy disappears with Swan, leaving Eli all flushed and starry-eyed. He joins K on the couch, drawn in like something magnetic. Usually he wouldn't be so obvious about it, but he's high on endorphins, and the idea of being alone somehow feels like the worst thing in the world. So Eli just nuzzles in against his shoulder, half a kiss, and he'll climb into his lap if he'll let him- too punchdrunk to think better of it.

He's still, quiet in a way that he usually isn't. Which would be scary, if he didn't trust all of them. But he does. So instead he just leans into Kavinsky, feels like his feet are scarcely on the ground.]

Can I just--?

[It's not quite a question, but his words are a little slurred, like he's drunk just off the feelings. K might be able to tell that he isn't used to it, either. This is new- if he had more awareness, he might be a little embarrassed about being like this over a fistfight. But maybe pretending that was why they did it was a little dishonest, anyway. He did it for the bruises, the split lip, the way that their fingers sometimes pressed too tight against each others' throat.]

[Kavinsky thought he knew what it meant, Skov and Elijah fighting. They didn't dislike each other; it wasn't about that. It was the opposite, and he'd known Skov for long enough to know that fighting with a friend was as good as making out to him sometimes. He knew by the wounds when Skov pulled his punches and when he didn't; he was careful with Elijah.

He didn't protest when Elijah joined him on the couch or climbed into his lap. Instead, he tipped his head back a little and looped his arms around the other boy's waist.]

What is it, sweetheart?

[He had trouble denying his boys anything, Elijah included. Even if he was the newest among them, he was also something other, not quite a dreamer like Kavinsky but close enough to make him protective of him. Kavinsky wanted to be there for him because no one had been there for him when he'd needed someone.

Fuck, but he was always getting in over his head with his boys, developing feelings when he told himself he wouldn't. Doing what he could to make them happy and keep them safe. He might have fought with them sometimes, but over the years they hadn't been through a single thing that their friendship couldn't survive.]

[Elijah leaned into the warmth of the touch as Kavinsky curled his arms against his waist, a quiet murmur of want at the feel of it. He needed the contact, needed to feel-- he didn't know, but he knew this was good. He leans his cheek into the other boy's shoulder, tilting his head so that K can hear him. He doesn't quite know how to answer the question, but the endearment touches something so it feels like his skin burns even hotter.

He's clearly raw, flushed, seems almost high, but it's just the sensations overwhelming him. There's something almost vulnerable in his eyes, or maybe it's the way that he looks at the other boy. Like the violence and the attraction peeled something away, got hooks through his walls, and when mixed with his feelings for Kavinsky he can't help fraying.]

I just- I need you to- hold me down? I feel like I'm.. floating away.

[He struggles with it, and K might be able to pick up on the fact that he just doesn't have the vocabulary to really explain. He's grasping for the words to say it and coming up empty, because he hadn't really known what they were doing, even if he ached with it. There was something about fighting with Skov, about the blood and the impact of knuckles on his skin. About the way the other boy had looked at him when Eli took his shirt off. About Kavinsky.

At first he thought K and his pack of boys would be casual friends. Now, he cared about all of them like they were family. But Kavinsky was-- he didn't know. He was this complicated tangle of desire and affection and belonging, and Prokopenko was nearly as messy. He couldn't help wanting Swan and Skov sometimes too, but it wasn't the same. Not when Kavinsky was like him. They might not be exactly the same, but they were both boys that held their dreams in their hands.

He doesn't know how to say any of it. How Skov was the one that punched him, but Kavinsky was the one that made him shiver.]

Edited 2022-03-21 10:11 (UTC)

[Kavinsky made a thoughtful noise, stroking one hand along Elijah's spine slowly.]

I've got you.

[He murmured. Elijah had been playing rough with Skov- Kavinsky knew that. He knew how that usually made Skov feel, so he could imagine the effect it had on Eli. He wasn't sure Elijah had ever dealt in rough play like that before- with people other than the rest of his boys. It would explain a lot.

He didn't think anyone had ever anchored Elijah afterward before, either. Swan knew how to take care of Skov, to work out his energy and restlessness and bring him back down, but Eli- Kavinsky cupped the back of his neck, thumb stroking gently.]

How'd things go with Skov?

[His breath catches and he arches into Kavinsky's touch as his fingers dragged down along his spine. There was something about the way he said the words that buried itself between his ribs. He'd never had anyone that really had offered to catch him, to hold onto him. He's always been expected to stand on his own, and he did, most of the time.

But this was-- There were moments where he needed someone.

He made a helpless sort of sound as K's hand curled at the back of his neck. His own hands pressing softly against his chest, his eyelashes fluttering as he looks into the other boy's dark eyes. There was something magnetic about the moment, about having K catch him when he felt like flying was the same thing as falling. He murmured as he considered the question, which was at least easier to talk about.]

Good. Probably have bruises tomorrow.

[He smiles, but it's soft, a little unsure. That feeling that he can't quite explain. Desire that makes his heart beat rabbit fast.]

I mean, usually I flinch away from it. I've kept this distance from Skov- you- everyone, because I didn't want.. But now everyone knows, so if someone wants me- it's like I can trust it. So I didn't flinch. We fought until it felt like something else. Not like fighting. I couldn't think.

[His words are slow and heated and Elijah laughs a little at the end because he still can't really think straight, but he figures Kavinsky knows that. He feels almost drunk on it. It was a long way of saying that Skov had pushed him further than they usually went. Until Elijah was a mess with how it felt.]

[Ronan had always tried to avoid looking at Adam like this- like he wanted him, but like it was more than that. Like his feelings were bigger than desire, a fire in his chest, eating him on the inside. The worse truth, was that his feelings for Kavinsky weren't really all that different. He hasn't quite said the word love to himself just yet, but that doesn't mean it isn't what he feels.

He flushes and shrugs his shoulders a little bit sheepishly when Kavinsky says he didn't know he was a romantic. He tries to make it careless, like it doesn't matter- but then he hesitates, curses on an exhale of breath. Venom was easier. This-- this was hard. But he's trying. With both of these boys that he can't resist.]

Fuck, I just.. I dunno, man. I always thought you'd laugh if I filled your car with roses or that sort of stupid shit.

[It was maybe an exaggeration, but the point was there, buried in the words- Kavinsky didn't seem like the romantic type, either. And the idea of having the other boy laugh at him for expressing how he felt was a horror worse than the ones from his dreams. He didn't know if Kavinsky wanted him without his sharp edges, if he wanted the soft affection that went with kisses against the Mitsubishi. But Adam- Adam seemed to accept the worst of him because he knew that Ronan was more than that.

So here he was, admitting that he was softer than he seemed, even a romantic. It steadies him from how off-balance he feels as Adam slides his hand into his own, and he curls his fingers against him, although it sets his heart racing. Almost overwhelmed, aching with want, and equally terrified. Not that he'd ever admit that outloud. But Ronan knew what a mess he was, how he was better at breaking things than anything else. But he swallows, nodding at the question, squeezing Adam's hand slightly- like he's proving to himself this is real.]

Yeah. I mean- if I could choose I would. But I can't help it. I- you're both important to me.

[He looks at Adam with that same intensity of before, wanting without his walls up.]

[If Kavinsky didn't know better, he would assume Elijah was drunk. Or maybe he was anyway--you didn't always have to have alcohol involved to end up like this.

He made a thoughtful noise. Yeah, he was pretty sure Eli'd have bruises alright. He and Skov had been rough, but only as rough as both of them could handle, K figured. It was a little bit of a turn-on, knowing what his boys fighting meant, at least to Skov. Knowing that Skov was probably getting fucked by Swan right now.

But also- there was something endearing about Elijah saying he trusted it. Kavinsky wanted him to feel safe, to be safe with the rest of the pack. They were all sharp boys, rough around the edges, but they fit together like pieces of a puzzle. They all filled different voids in each other.]

You know fighting's Skov's foreplay sometimes, right?

[When his fingers had reached the bottom of Elijah's spine, he stroked back upwards, a gentle, repetitive motion.]

You like it, too.

[It wasn't a question. Elijah wouldn't be here in his arms like this if he hadn't enjoyed fighting with Skov. He wasn't sure if Eli had figured everything out yet, though--especially if this really was the first time he'd played rough. K wasn't going to judge him for it; he was going to do his best to be a safe space for Eli to talk about things.

People probably wouldn't think that Kavinsky was a 'safe space' for anyone or anything that wasn't nefarious, but- he enjoyed helping people figure out what they did and didn't like. Part of it was maybe a little selfish because the better people knew themselves the more fun he could have with them, but also- sometimes learning shit about yourself was hard. He wanted it to be easier for his pack. They were his closest friends, each and every one of them.]

[Saying he was drunk wouldn't be inaccurate, really. He felt like he was, honestly. Like he'd had a few shots too many, except that the feel of it was different, more a clear sort of thrill, high in a way that wasn't all blurred around the edges, but still left him reeling, his words a little rough. Holding onto the other boy to keep himself steady. And there was something about all of this that left him aching, his skin warm under Kavinsky's touch- the way those fingers trailed along his spine almost electric, but also strangely soothing. He'd never felt like this before. Something about Skov and Swan, and about being here with Kavinsky, body pressed close and straddled across his lap. Fingers on his skin.

A week ago this would have been unthinkable, almost more like horror. But now it was a sharp sort of pleasure. He felt like he fit here, with them. It felt like home. Not that he didn't have one back in Texas, but that was complicated. It was hard for a place to feel like home when you always knew you were going to leave it, when Eli spent more time away than walking the halls.

If he hadn't already been flushed, he would have at the question. But as it is he just nods, bites his lip for a moment, and then tries to put it into words.]

Yeah. Not the first round, but.. the second one. I used to pull away before it got.. obvious, I guess. But this time it was- different. I figured it out. And I dunno. I sort of wanted it, I guess? Even if I still don't quite know what I was looking for.

[Good is what he means when he says different, but he doesn't quite know how to say that yet. But he'd realized it was like foreplay and done it anyway. Breathless and heart racing, flirting back with Skov. But then maybe some of their sharp edges weren't really so different. He's still working it out, trying to figure out what he feels -- and why the thrill and the heat is almost more now that he's curled up here with Kavinsky, than it had been before.

He doesn't flinch or deny it when K says that he likes it. He just arches slowly into his touch, a flutter of his lashes, the way he slides up his spine making his body shift with the heat of it. It feels sort of like Kavinsky has him on a string, in a way that he likes. It makes him feel like he wont fall.]

Yeah. I like it when I'm here, anyway.

[Whether he means here with Kavinsky, or here with the pack, the only boys he could imagine doing this sort of thing with-- he doesn't clarify. But he probably doesn't really need to, when the answer is both.

Although the truth isn't just that Elijah's never played rough like this before. He's never done anything sexual with another person before, even if he'd usually die before admitting to it. He's never trusted anyone enough; either to let them that close, or to talk about it. But all of a sudden that was changing, and there were these lovely boys that he cared about more than he could spell out. And then there was Kavinsky. Beautiful and sharper than the rest. And he touched dreams. And he touched Eli in a way that felt different, made him want things he didn't yet know how to ask for.

People might not think of K as a safe space, but he feels safe to Elijah, anyway.]

You make it- even more. Better.

[Kavinsky made a thoughtful noise. It was an interesting situation when his boys fought. They could punch and kick and bite all they wanted and he'd never lift a finger, but if someone outside the pack took a swing--it'd be their funeral. It wasn't just that it was different within the pack, where fists weren't usually swung with hate or anger, but he trusted his boys to stop before they did any permanent harm. Even when Swan and Jiang sometimes fought for real, or Swan and Proko butted heads. It wasn't the same as Skov's foreplay, but there was trust there, too.]

Do you like him?

[That seemed like it should be a little obvious. You flirted when you liked someone. You engaged in rough play when you liked someone--or when you liked the play enough.

He was also glad that Elijah felt safe enough here to engage in things like that, to explore desires and boundaries and experience new things. That was one of the most important parts of the pack; giving his boys a space where they could do things like that without judgment. Well, alright- maybe there would be a little judgment, but in a friendly way.]

I wouldn't let anyone hurt you. Someone fucks with you, they fuck with all of us.

[It was a promise. He and the others would have Eli's back. But there was more to this than that- and Kavinsky might have never shied away from making assumptions before, but for some reason he didn't want to assume in this situation. He didn't want to convince himself that Elijah wanted him just because K wanted him.]

Are you saying you think I'm hot?

[It was gentle teasing.]

[It was a complicated question, do you like him. Because the answer was yes, but it was yes for all of K's boys, or else Elijah wouldn't have fallen in with them in the first place. But he knew that he meant more than that, he meant- for real. And that wasn't as simple. On the one hand, yes, he liked Skov far more than he did most people. Especially when it was like this, bruises on his skin. He got under his skin, and he wouldn't be against the idea of making out- Skov was cute but messy, which had a certain charm.

But he wasn't who Elijah liked the most, despite that. That was Kavinsky, because of course it was. And Proko was the one that came the closest for him, if it was going to be anyone else. But, Elijah couldn't imagine hitting either of them, fighting with them like he did with Skov. If K pinned him to the ground-- Eli quite suddenly doesn't quite know where he'd been intending to go with that line of thought, because the image is stupidly hot and it derails whatever he'd been trying to figure out.]

I mean, yeah. But.. well, I don't like him, like him.

[He liked Skov enough to flirt with him, but not enough to ache for the stupid shit. Like riding passenger in his car late some night when he couldn't sleep, or stupid dates, or to admit that he wanted him like he'd never wanted someone else; even if it was terrifying.

He smiles when K says that he wont let anyone hurt him. It was strange, in a way, because for so long Eli's always been the person that protected others. So that promise was... different. It meant something, even if he didn't have the words to say it. Instead he laughs softly at the question that follows, leaning up against Kavinsky so they're almost eye-to-eye, almost close enough to kiss.

But instead, Elijah just trails one of his hands up so he can slide fingers against the side of his neck, cupping against the line of his jaw in a tender sort of caress. It feels reckless, impossible, but he can't help himself. Maybe it's that he's still a little loopy from the bruises on his skin, the impact and the feel of it. From Kavinsky just- being here.]

Doesn't everyone?

[It's raw and overly honest, even if he doesn't spell it out, doesn't say I think you're hot or I want you, it's in the tone, the way that he looks at him, but still leans into his touch.]

Mmm.

[That was fair. Kavinsky liked Skov too- he liked all of his boys, of course. But he wasn't sure about romantically. Proko was different, though he might not have fully realized the extent things were different with him. Or with Eli. But he was starting to, maybe.

Especially with the way Elijah touched him. Kavinsky fought the urge to tip his face into Eli's hand, lest he give himself away as a glutton for physical contact.

Normally, he would have replied with an easily confident of course, they do, even though he knew better. He was sure there were people who didn't find him attractive at all, people who hated him. But that wasn't important right now. The important thing was how he couldn't look away from Eli's eyes, how badly he wanted to kiss him.]

So who do you like?

[It was maybe a juvenile question but he couldn't think of any better way to get to the bottom of things. Elijah had to like someone, didn't he? And he'd said- he said Kavinsky made things better. K might have played like he was doing his boys a favor by pulling them to his side but the truth was he was desperately lonely. He needed them just as much as they needed him, maybe more. He wanted someone to care about him, he wanted to feel loved and appreciated.]

I--

[It may be a juvenile question, but that didn't make it easy. And the way that Elijah dodged around being specific about how he felt about Skov was sort of immature in its own way, too. And yeah, he had the excuse that he was still a bit punch-drunk, but that wasn't the real reason, either. So he falters a little at the question, struggling as he tries to find the right words.

Lying would be easier, of course.

But the thing is that Kavinsky already knows all of his big secrets, and somehow this seems.. easier to hold between them than the dreaming, or the fact that he was trans. The harder part is figuring out what to say, how to say it to him. Eli's struck by how Kavinsky is looking at him, dark eyes focused, like the answer isn't a joke, is something that matters. It's been easy, up until now, just to tell himself that it didn't matter, this was just what it meant to be in his circle. How could you resist being half in love with him?

But suddenly, it seems like more than that. And he nods softly, a little shy, even if he tries to hide it, to smooth it over into something better than that.]

It's you. I dunno how to say it, man. I just want this.

[It wasn't that he loved him yet. But whatever it was, this thing that drew him to K felt like more than a crush. Because he wanted late-night drives in K's Mitsubishi, he wanted him to see his dreams, he wanted everything he could get. He wanted to make him smile. He wanted new things he hadn't been willing to risk with anyone else. The idea that if he was going to climb into anyone's lap when he was like this, it had to be with K.]

[He waited patiently, fingers sliding along Elijah's skin. Anyone else, he would've teased and prompted along the way, told them to spit it out or get on with it or something like that, but. Eli was one of his boys and this was- a soft moment. A moment he didn't want to ruin or break the mood of. He might not get it back if he did.

When Elijah answered, a thrill raced down Kavinsky's spine. He'd had a suspicion, more subconscious than anything, but it'd been there. He'd been especially drawn to Eli ever since the dreams, when he'd found out the other boy wasn't so different than him. He wanted kinship. He wanted to not feel or be alone.]

I like you, too, sweetheart.

[It was an easy confession and he smiled afterward, sliding a hand up into Elijah's hair, nails grazing gently against his scalp.

Someone else would've asked, maybe- someone else would've sought permission. Kavinsky didn't like asking. Instead, he leaned up, nudging his mouth against Elijah's in a soft kiss. He didn't lack confidence; he just didn't want to push Eli too much too fast.]

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