Open RP Post

[burnyoudown]

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🔥 General squick/trigger list.
🔥 m/m for anything shippy.
🔥 General headcanon for Kavinsky. If you've got different headcanon/ideas for a psl, hit me with 'em; I'm flexible.
🔥 Kavinsky's kink list.
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[burnyoudown]

[He'd just been waiting for Ronan to ask, and Kavinsky might have been a jerk but he wasn't cruel. He didn't make Ronan wait or tease him. Instead, Kavinsky stepped out from around a tree, just a few feet ahead. He looked the same, even if he'd changed so much. But they both had, in more ways than one.]

I'd hoped I had. You were all I wanted.

[More than the destruction and fire and racing, he'd wanted Ronan.]

You made me happy, too.

[And he hoped it wasn't too late, that they could still- that there was still a chance.

He eyed Ronan for a moment, just long enough to mutter a soft fuck, before he crossed the distance between them and threw his arms around him. Kavinsky was as real as he wanted to be here, and in this case it was pretty fucking real. He clutched Ronan tight, pressing his face into his shoulder.

It took a lot of effort not to cry, so much that his throat felt tight. If Ronan cried, that'd be it for Kavinsky's already strained self-control.]

[threesecrets]

[There's so much he should say, but he says fuck and he crosses the distance, and Ronan's arms are open for him by the time that he gets there, so that he can hug him as Kavinsky wrapped his arms around him, his heartbeat skittering just from the feel of it, the weight of it. Real. As real as they wanted it to be, because they decided what was real- especially here of all places.

The weight of him, the press of his warmth against him through the thin fabric of his shirt, how tight he clutched at him... he hadn't been willing to say it, not even to himself, a secret he hid in shadows. But it had been there when he'd reached out, tendrils in the sea, for someone that would understand.

Ronan tries not to cry, of course. But he can't help himself. Not when he's winding his arms around the boy-shaped part of the forest that he loved, nuzzling his face into the side of his neck as Kavinsky's face pressed into his shoulder. He needed this -- he'd needed this for months, for more than a year, just to be able to hold him in his arms, alive and breathing. Warm and vital and everything that he'd loved.

They weren't loud tears, just soft sniffles, the dampness against his skin. Adam leaving, his brothers gone, Gansey and Blue traveling the world, everything else he'd cared for dead or lost. Maybe it had to be Kavinsky that he brought back.]

Is it-- is this okay?

[He didn't quite know what he meant. Being a forest, holding him, being alive. All of it, everything. Because he wanted.. he didn't know. He wanted to keep him forever.]

[burnyoudown]

[God, it was so good to be held, to have physical contact and affection. He'd needed this for so long, even before he'd become a forest. Especially before then. But also especially now. If he'd gone one more day without this- well, he'd probably have been all right but he wouldn't have been happy.

He wasn't loud about crying, either; his tears were quiet, though every now and then a little shudder coursed through him. He didn't want to let go of Ronan. He knew he couldn't keep him here forever, that eventually he'd have to go, but Kavinsky was going to cherish the moments he had. And the knowledge that Ronan would be return.

He laughed a little when Ronan asked is this okay.]

Which part? [He sniffled.] 'Cause holding you right now's pretty nice.

[The rest, being a forest...he wasn't sure. Some days, he thought he was going to go out of his mind without something substantial to do. Others, he was content to just watch over Ronan and feel the power of the ley line and everything that went with it. The worst part was this; knowing Ronan couldn't stay in the forest forever, that they would never be able to race again, that he couldn't lie in bed next to him.]

It's weird being- this, now. But it's better than where I was before.

[threesecrets]

All of it. Everything. I-- I want you to be happy.

[He knows it's sappy, but it's also true. And he feels.. responsible. Not just because of the 4th of July, but also because of the 4th of July. But he'd been so young when he'd dreamt Cabeswater a place in the world, on the leyline, that it had never really felt intentional. But with Lindenmere- Kavinsky- it had been months of prepwork, and then asking, reaching, desperate for something to reach back, something that could love him, want him, not leave him.

Greywaren. Protector and protected. Which he'd understood conceptually, but now he feels it with his heart.

Because he loved Lindenmere, but it had been.. he doesn't know. Kinship, leaves and flowers, the only place in the world where he still felt at peace, so beautiful it made his heart ache. But he hadn't loved Lindenmere like he'd loved Kavinsky, dreaming about him with shaky hands that couldn't get his jeans off fast enough. He'd wanted to love him in every way you could love someone, wanted to love him with his clothes off, so desperately that it had terrified him.

Now he just cries silently and holds him. He lets one arm slide away from clutching at him, but only so that he can trace his fingers through his hair, soothing, comforting, his other tracing lazy shapes against his back.]

You've always been my best dream.

[He felt it every time he was with him, but he'd never thought to say it outloud before, thought Lindenmere might need to hear it- but he did now.]

You saved my brothers. You saved my life. Even as a forest, you're still beautiful and dangerous and everything I want.

[Which was a sideways way of saying that if Kavinsky still wanted him-- this wasn't a deterrent for Ronan. But then, even standing here like this, they felt the same, even if he didn't quite know what that meant.]

[burnyoudown]

[The safety of Ronan's arms around him was something he thought he'd never get to know. Now that he was experiencing it, he never wanted to let go. Ronan cared about him--more than that. He didn't have to say it out loud for Kavinsky to be able to pick up on it, and it felt a little like cheating, but hadn't he always been a thief?

He also felt warm, proud, pleased. He'd done right by Ronan, helped not only him but his family. He knew Ronan's brothers meant a lot to him, even if their relationship was difficult sometimes. Not saving them would have been like not saving Ronan; Kavinsky could have never not acted.]

I just want to be with you. Being part of a forest isn't so bad when you're around.

[He sniffled, then added-]

You saved me. I was somewhere else before this and it was-

[How did he describe what it'd been like?]

-it wasn't bad but it was lonely.

[And he just wanted to be with Ronan, wherever he was. Kavinsky'd never dealt with loneliness very well. He was afraid of being alone more than almost anything else. He just wanted to be cared about, to be loved.]