Open RP Post

[burnyoudown]

🔥 Hit me up on plurk or via PM if you have any questions/want to run an idea by me first/what-have-you.
🔥 General squick/trigger list.
🔥 m/m for anything shippy.
🔥 General headcanon for Kavinsky. If you've got different headcanon/ideas for a psl, hit me with 'em; I'm flexible.
🔥 Kavinsky's kink list.
🔥 This is open to everyone who wants to thread with me!

Comments

[burnyoudown]

I have a literal dream boy. [He paused for a beat, wondering if he should say anything else or if he was going to end up derailing their important conversation.] But it's not Swan.

[And then, as if he hadn't just said that, he continued,]

I can feel the ley line. I just never knew what it was before I met you. You're not alone. You don't have to handle anything alone.

[He cupped the side of Adam's face in his hand before kissing him, soft and slow. He knew what it was like to feel alone in the world; it was why he gathered boys to his side, pulled them under his wing so they wouldn't be alone, either.

He hadn't known Persephone but if she had been important to Adam, then she'd probably been a good or kind person--or both. He wished there were more people in the world who could support Adam. Adam deserved it.

Kavinsky had never really been anyone's rock before. It was an odd but touching idea.]

What if I kiss Ronan and things get complicated, though? What if he wants to get back together or something? I'm not breaking up with you, for the record.

[dreamandbleed]

[Adam has questions- of course he does- but it ends up getting moved to something to bring up later, given the way that Kavinsky just moves on to talking about the ley line, about how he wasn't alone, how he didn't have to handle things alone. And he kisses him- and kissing Kavinsky is always an easy way to distract Adam. Not that he thinks he's doing it on purpose, but it's so easy to get swept up in the soft and tender feel of kissing his boyfriend.

And then he asks about what if thing gets complicated, and Adam quiets for a moment, trying to order his thoughts as he strokes his fingertips up against his boyfriend's chest. He loves him so much. He loves how much he cares, that he doesn't just take this for granted. Like he wants to make sure it's okay for real, that they're going to be okay. That Adam... that he really was enough for Kavinsky. It leaves him a little breathless, torn between wanting him and wanting to cuddle him.

But it's still a difficult question to answer, to work out how to say it.]

So you kiss Ronan. And he wants to get back together. And then we talk about it. You said I wont lose you, that you wouldn't replace me. And I trust you. And Ronan--

[This part felt harder to explain. Because Ronan did make him feel insecure, but he also felt.. he didn't know. It was easier to be friends with Ronan than Gansey most days. They weren't close exactly, but they weren't not close, either. Adam would be one of the first people to say that Ronan was an asshole and that Gansey needed to stop holding his hand, stop trying to tug him in the trajectory he thought he should be following. But he also was maybe one of the only people that didn't think he'd fall.]

He's an asshole, but not like that. Not like you kiss him and he wants to get back together and then he's showing up late and offering to fool around if you don't tell me about it. And I do think you'd tell him to fuck off, but if I thought he was like that- it's not something you talk through.

[He shrugs his shoulders and then he meets Kavinsky's eyes. He's struggling himself; it might seem like talking about things like this was easier for him than most of the boys. But there was a difference between easier and easy. And this was hard, because it was hard to believe that if Ronan wanted Kavinsky back that he stood a chance. But the flipside of it was that he didn't believe Ronan was that cruel.]

He's the only reason I have my driver's license, you know. He taught me to drive- in his car. I drove the BMW for my driver's test. It wasn't like my father cared, and he would have never let me take the truck, anyway. Gansey would have missed the entire fucking point and tried to buy me a goddamn car. So... I dunno, man. Ronan's an asshole, sure, no question. But he's not.. just an asshole.

[He didn't know if Kavinsky understood what he was trying to say. He didn't know if he understood the point he was trying to make. Tense and his voice tinged with that Henrietta accent as he tried to make sense of how they'd handle it if Ronan wanted Kavinsky. He didn't think that Ronan would hurt him on purpose, was what he supposed he was saying. That Adam could trust it if they talked it out, that he could trust them together.]

So if it gets complicated and he wants you back, we talk about it. We see what he wants, and-- and if that's something you want, too. We see what would work, and if that fits for everyone or not.

[It's difficult to say, to talk about Kavinsky wanting Ronan as more than just kissing, as something real. Like he'd said before, this is the stuff where he just doesn't know. He's quiet for a moment and he exhales, a little rough, a slight tremble in his body and he just clings to him, curls into him so that he can nuzzle into his shoulder. His heart pounding in his chest, and he's not upset, he just- it's a lot for him. To remind himself that he trusts Kavinsky, trusts how firm and solid his affirmation had been.]

So, uh... If you wanted to get back together with him, then we'd see if we could figure it out. But like I said before, this is the stuff-- it's hard. I don't know how much of you I could stand to lose.

[burnyoudown]

[Kavinsky listened. It might not have usually been one of his strong suits, but right now his primary concern was Adam's comfort and happiness. So he listened, nodding here and there when it was appropriate. And when Adam clung to him, Kavinsky wrapped both arms around him again, gently rubbing his back, murmured-]

You're okay. We're okay.

And I would absolutely tell him to fuck off he tried to get handsy. But you're right. He's an asshole but he's not that kind of asshole.

[So Kavinsky didn't think Ronan would try to make a move, if he even still wanted Kavinsky after everything that had happened. And the bit where 'Ronan isn't just an asshole' made him want to ask Adam what he thought of Ronan, really, if he had feelings for him, but he wasn't sure if now was a good moment. They already had enough on their plates, after all.]

I'm not gonna do anything you're not okay with, you know? I just- I was curious. But I don't want you to lose any of me.

[But he also didn't know how dating Adam and Ronan would work. He'd hardly ever had a single boyfriend. He'd also probably manage to fuck it up somehow, he was sure, just like he fucked up everything else.]

You're- you make me feel safe. [He admitted.] I'm not sure I'd be able to talk about this stuff, like this, with anyone else. I appreciate...I just appreciate you.

[dreamandbleed]

I-- thank you.

[He murmured it softly, even if he sort of felt embarrassed for being so affected, for needing the comfort, the physical reassurance that they were here together, and they were okay. But he didn't pull away from Kavinsky, and it was pretty obvious that the way he rubbed his back and the murmured words helped ease the spots that had been rubbed raw by talking about all of this, how difficult it was to tell himself that he would get to keep Kavinsky, even when Ronan wanted him.]

I know. And I.. I appreciate that so much. It's just difficult to believe that if Ronan wanted you back that I'd still get to have you. But it's not that I don't trust you, because.. it's just difficult, not impossible.

[It was just still a rough thing to work through. He held onto him, nuzzling into him, shamelessly needy just to touch him, just to remind himself that Kavinsky wanted him. And this was all speculation anyway, even if Adam suspected that Ronan would work through things eventually. He rather wanted Kavinsky to know both that yes, he could kiss him if it happened to come up, but that Adam was unsure about the rest. That he couldn't promise anything, because it was hard to imagine that he could give Ronan enough without hurting himself. But they could talk about it, at least.

And god, the way that Kavinsky says that he makes him feel safe is a feeling Adam doesn't have words for. He just murmurs, holding him a little bit closer.]

You're so important to me. And I want to make you feel safe. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about anything.

[He curls up with him, touches him in a way that isn't quite chaste, but it's mostly just- being tactile is reassuring. And he wants to feel his desire, to feel wanted. Maybe it's selfish- but with Kavinsky Adam feels selfish a lot. He just also feels like he's allowed to be.]

And- I don't mean lose you in the big ways. I mean small things. Like how many days do I give him to spend with you instead of me? Do I stop going to your parties, since that used to be your thing with him? There isn't a way where it would be easy. It'll be compromise. But I want you to be happy. And if-- If you want him, I'd try to see if it could work.

[burnyoudown]

Why, cause he's up on some kind of pedestal? I care about you, a lot. And you're not- you're not like something to just be thrown away. I wouldn't do that to you. You deserve so many things in life.

[Especially someone who respected him and thought he was worth keeping forever. And Kavinsky thought he was worth it. Adam was important to him; he made K feel safe and able to be soft in ways he hadn't thought were possible with anyone.

It was the subject of having to split his time between Ronan and Adam that made Kavinsky frown as he listened. The way Adam framed it, it sounded like the situation divorced couples had where they only got to see their kid on certain days. Was that how things were supposed to work if Kavinsky was dating two people?]

Why would you have to stop going to my parties? I like it when you're there. Unless...

[Unless Adam meant it would be difficult seeing Kavinsky with Ronan. That brought up different concerns because Kavinsky didn't want to make things hard like that. He didn't want to make either of them jealous or sad or anything.]

I want you to be happy, too. So if this wouldn't work out where you could still smile all the time, I don't think I'd wanna do it.

[dreamandbleed]

[Maybe it wasn't an easy discussion, but at the same time- the reassurance was more than Adam would ever have asked for. He wanted to cry, and he couldn't help getting sort of misty about it, his eyes damp as Kavinsky's words that Adam wasn't something to just be thrown away slipped between his ribs. It could have been as lethal as a knife, but instead-- it was almost praise, it was Kavinsky believing in him in bigger ways than Adam was accustomed to.]

I just mean-- I figured if you were dating him you'd want time alone with him. To have space where I'm not holding on to you.

[He tries to covertly wipe at his misty eyes, but it's not really all that secret. His breath hitches a little, and he shakes his head a little bit self-consciously. It feels obvious that Kavinsky was envisioning something different; something where Adam didn't have to not be part of it. And that feels.. maybe a little bit more like something he could live with. But for right now, he knows that he can't talk that out the way that he'd want to.]

Why don't we.. we can talk about it later. I didn't really- I didn't really think about it like this. And you make me all emotional.

[It's not really a complaint, and he just presses in against him, cups his face in his hands as he leans against his chest. He's- well, he's sort of half-hard against Kavinsky's stomach. Which is a bit embarrassing, but no one's ever cared for him like this before. And he thinks that maybe he wasn't letting himself how much K cared because it was sort of terrifying. Because admitting how much he cared-- it was admitting that he was worth it, it was admitting that he wanted it, that this was something he didn't want to lose.]

I'm such a mess for you, K. I want- I want to smile for you always. And fuck, you care so much, in ways I never thought I'd deserve from anyone- and I want to hold you and tell you how much that means, and how much I care for you. But it also really turns me on? Just- feeling so much.

[burnyoudown]

I'd want time with both of you.

[Because Adam was so, so special to him. He couldn't imagine a day going by where they didn't talk or at least text or something.

Kavinsky kissed him sweetly but didn't say anything about Adam being misty-eyed. He wasn't going to draw attention to it, even if it was just the two of them. He just hoped it was the good kind of misty.]

Sure, sweetheart.

[The rest though, combined with the start of an erection he could feel, made him laugh a little, but not unkindly. He kissed Adam again, letting it linger for a moment. He'd never thought he'd have something like this, not with anyone. Especially not with a boy like Adam.]

So, it's sexy how much I love you?

[He was teasing, but gently. He knew how overwhelming emotions could be, even in a positive way.]