I mean, I'd want to. Once we know how it works. Having both of you?
[His breath gets a little rough, but it's with heat, not something negative. Not with worry. Instead- well, he's trying not to focus on the thought of being in bed with the two boys too much, or else he'll end up jerking off in his car before he leaves for the party. Adam didn't want this to blow up in their faces. He wanted- to take it slow, to make sure this was good for them.
But it feels good, knowing that Ronan wanted him. Ronan Lynch, who could have had anyone, and he wanted Adam Parrish. It wasn't a new feeling: it was the feeling he woke up with every morning, when he remembered Kavinsky loved him.]
You would if I let you. I know I've always made it... difficult for you. [He knows this is a tangent, but he knows how stubborn he is with these things is probably rough for the other boy. He only means to explain a little, but maybe everything else pushes it into something more.]
It's not just the money, you know. You have.. power. Over people, the world around you. And that's part of what scared me, part of why it was always easier to let Ronan do things for me than Gansey, why I fought you so hard at the beginning. I didn't want to be one of his things, I didn't want to be something else that he bought. And I thought that I didn't want to be one of your dogs.
[He takes a breath, like he's steadying himself, and his voice softens a little, his Henrietta accent coating his words, like this is some sort of secret.]
It's- security, safety. That's the other part. Gansey-- well, he was always gonna chase after whichever direction his dead king led. If I let him give me things, I'd rely on that, and then it'd all be gone whenever the wind carried him away. I figured you were sort of the same at first-- sorry.
[He apologizes for comparing him to Gansey, trying to put a little bit of levity into things. Ronan was tied to Henrietta the same way Adam was, with the weight of family names, but unlike Adam he didn't seem inclined to try and fight the pull. So as mercurial as he might be, Ronan would never leave taking every good thing with him.]
But you know, I thought eventually I was going to lose your interest and you'd walk away. So I could only accept what I could live without. But I-- I don't think that now. I think you're the best boyfriend that I could ever have found. More than Ronan, or Gansey, or anyone else in the world. And I want more. Because you make me feel safe. Like I could go to college and come back to you and kiss you in my dorm room and that we could-- make something together.
[For always. He isn't crying. He just-- okay, he is, but it doesn't feel like a bad thing, even if his ribs ache. He thinks it's just how big the feelings are. Bigger than I love you; even if he doesn't quite know the words to say them in.]
You still can't get me a car. But.. maybe some other things. We can talk about it?
[He'd meant to compromise, not spill his heart, but it feels okay anyway.]
no subject
[His breath gets a little rough, but it's with heat, not something negative. Not with worry. Instead- well, he's trying not to focus on the thought of being in bed with the two boys too much, or else he'll end up jerking off in his car before he leaves for the party. Adam didn't want this to blow up in their faces. He wanted- to take it slow, to make sure this was good for them.
But it feels good, knowing that Ronan wanted him. Ronan Lynch, who could have had anyone, and he wanted Adam Parrish. It wasn't a new feeling: it was the feeling he woke up with every morning, when he remembered Kavinsky loved him.]
You would if I let you. I know I've always made it... difficult for you. [He knows this is a tangent, but he knows how stubborn he is with these things is probably rough for the other boy. He only means to explain a little, but maybe everything else pushes it into something more.]
It's not just the money, you know. You have.. power. Over people, the world around you. And that's part of what scared me, part of why it was always easier to let Ronan do things for me than Gansey, why I fought you so hard at the beginning. I didn't want to be one of his things, I didn't want to be something else that he bought. And I thought that I didn't want to be one of your dogs.
[He takes a breath, like he's steadying himself, and his voice softens a little, his Henrietta accent coating his words, like this is some sort of secret.]
It's- security, safety. That's the other part. Gansey-- well, he was always gonna chase after whichever direction his dead king led. If I let him give me things, I'd rely on that, and then it'd all be gone whenever the wind carried him away. I figured you were sort of the same at first-- sorry.
[He apologizes for comparing him to Gansey, trying to put a little bit of levity into things. Ronan was tied to Henrietta the same way Adam was, with the weight of family names, but unlike Adam he didn't seem inclined to try and fight the pull. So as mercurial as he might be, Ronan would never leave taking every good thing with him.]
But you know, I thought eventually I was going to lose your interest and you'd walk away. So I could only accept what I could live without. But I-- I don't think that now. I think you're the best boyfriend that I could ever have found. More than Ronan, or Gansey, or anyone else in the world. And I want more. Because you make me feel safe. Like I could go to college and come back to you and kiss you in my dorm room and that we could-- make something together.
[For always. He isn't crying. He just-- okay, he is, but it doesn't feel like a bad thing, even if his ribs ache. He thinks it's just how big the feelings are. Bigger than I love you; even if he doesn't quite know the words to say them in.]
You still can't get me a car. But.. maybe some other things. We can talk about it?
[He'd meant to compromise, not spill his heart, but it feels okay anyway.]