[Adam is quiet for a moment, because he doesn't want to ask the question on the tip of his tongue, because he knows it's a rabbithole. But if all the stuff with Gansey and Glendower and Cabeswater has taught him anything, it's that leaving them alone doesn't make them go away. So he wants to toy with the joke about his good taste, but he doesn't.]
Would you do it? If he found you one night saying he'd made a mistake or something.
[There's a pause, and he shakes his head a little, fingers tracing loops against Kavinsky's chest. It was easy enough to figure out that Adam thought that Ronan'd made a huge mistake. And he figured that even his friend who was oblivious as anything would put that together eventually. And when he did...]
This isn't-- I'm not going to be upset about it.
[And he means that, more or less. It might hurt his feelings, but he's not fishing for an argument or for an insult. It's more complicated than that. He just- the way Kavinsky talks about Ronan feels different than the way Adam feels about Ronan. Or maybe it isn't even Kavinsky at all, maybe it's just Adam. Maybe it's just that he can't help feeling like there's nothing he has that he wouldn't lose if Ronan wanted it. That hasn't really been a concern so far, but Kavinsky-- it's always felt almost arrogant to think he can keep him.]
I'm a realist. But I'm also- [He laughs softly, lighter than what he's said probably sounds.] -hideously in love with you. So I just... if we know we can figure it out, right?
[Maybe it was optimistic to think he could reduce this sort of thing to a puzzle, to something where Adam just had to be able to see all the pieces. And yes, the way he sucks a mark into the side of K's throat is probably insecurity as much as affection. They're complicated feelings that curl in his chest, pressing against his breastbone. But he figures that Kavinsky knew that before they were dating, probably knows it better now.
It's insecurity, that fear that he isn't good enough. But it's also devotion, also the desperate want to hold onto Kavinsky with both hands, with everything he has.]
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Would you do it? If he found you one night saying he'd made a mistake or something.
[There's a pause, and he shakes his head a little, fingers tracing loops against Kavinsky's chest. It was easy enough to figure out that Adam thought that Ronan'd made a huge mistake. And he figured that even his friend who was oblivious as anything would put that together eventually. And when he did...]
This isn't-- I'm not going to be upset about it.
[And he means that, more or less. It might hurt his feelings, but he's not fishing for an argument or for an insult. It's more complicated than that. He just- the way Kavinsky talks about Ronan feels different than the way Adam feels about Ronan. Or maybe it isn't even Kavinsky at all, maybe it's just Adam. Maybe it's just that he can't help feeling like there's nothing he has that he wouldn't lose if Ronan wanted it. That hasn't really been a concern so far, but Kavinsky-- it's always felt almost arrogant to think he can keep him.]
I'm a realist. But I'm also- [He laughs softly, lighter than what he's said probably sounds.] -hideously in love with you. So I just... if we know we can figure it out, right?
[Maybe it was optimistic to think he could reduce this sort of thing to a puzzle, to something where Adam just had to be able to see all the pieces. And yes, the way he sucks a mark into the side of K's throat is probably insecurity as much as affection. They're complicated feelings that curl in his chest, pressing against his breastbone. But he figures that Kavinsky knew that before they were dating, probably knows it better now.
It's insecurity, that fear that he isn't good enough. But it's also devotion, also the desperate want to hold onto Kavinsky with both hands, with everything he has.]