burnyoudown | Open RP Post

ill still wear them for you if you want

[It's an easy flirtation, stealing the opening to try and lighten the tension -- at least for himself. Kavinsky seems pretty okay about the whole thing, which is actually reassuring. If he was as uncertain as Ronan, it'd probably just have exacerbated his uncertainty about asking in the first place. But he knows him well enough by now to know that smooth answers aren't always the truth.

And then Kavinsky says u could have an entire room if u wanted, and Ronan has to take a moment to catch his breath, gnawing teeth into his leather bands, just for the tactile feeling of it. Something to vent the feelings in his chest when Kavinsky wasn't actually here with him to take it. And the answer feels easy even if he struggles to wrap himself around it; easier than it should be.]

are you asking me to move in josey?

[He really was the best thief in Henrietta.

And maybe his text sounded a bit eager, but he was trying to make sure the question didn't have edges. He knew that sometimes Kavinsky backed off when Ronan flinched. So he didn't want it to sound like he was flinching. He doesn't really know how to say I still want to be in your bed when just the idea of all this nearly overwhelms him, but he thinks that the other boy knows anyway. Maybe it would be nice if the easier of Ronan's sullen storms meant retreating across the hallway, and not to the Barns.]

I like seeing u in my clothes

[Both because it was cute and sexy and because of possessive reasons. But as far as asking Ronan to move in with him went-

Was he? Was that what he was asking? It wasn't a scary thought, not really. His boys stayed over all the time and they had specific rooms they usually stayed in--when they weren't all piled into Kavinsky's room. Asking Ronan to move in or giving him a room so he could have some space of his own when he needed it...it was probably a big step. He wasn't asking Ronan to give up his own home, though--that would have been a big step. This was... it was still a step, he could admit to that much.

But it still didn't feel scary. The only scary part was worrying Ronan would back away from it. There was no pressure on the suggestion, it wasn't a make-or-break kind of thing. He hoped Ronan knew that.]

I think I am
do u want to?

sorry its a package deal
if you want swan you gotta take skov
im not enough of a dick to split them up like that
cmon

[In honesty, he sort of wants Kavinsky to be there with them, but doesn't quite know how to put that into words, even when he's high. Maybe especially because he's high. ]

and why dont you surprise me?
something thatll make me smile.

yeah? i dont mind as long as youre watching

[In honesty, his reasons were about the same. There was a thrill to wearing K's clothes, even if the only reason his tee-shirts fit Ronan in the first place was because Kavinsky wore them loose on his thin frame. But they still smelled like him, felt a little like his fingertips on his skin in a way that made his face warm.

But then there was that question, and in truth- Ronan already knew the answer. It was just saying it, typing it and sending it to Kavinsky that felt difficult. Like something that he couldn't take back, even if he didn't really think that he would want to.]

fuck. yeah.
yeah, i think that i do.
long as i still get to sleep with you.

[It comes out softer than he really intends to allow, but it's too honest to take it back, so- he just leaves it like that. How much pretense can he really hang onto when they're talking about Ronan moving in with him, anyway?]

I'm always watching

[Okay, maybe that didn't quite come out the way he'd intended when he'd thought it. He didn't mean for it to sound stalker-y, just...how could he not watch Ronan when they were together? He was breathtaking.

He'd been half-worried Ronan would pull away from the subject, change his mind--if he'd made it up in the first place--or just...say he didn't want to. But Kavinsky felt warm as he read Ronan's reply.]

of course, sweetheart
sleep in my bed
have ur own room when u need or want it

[He just...he wanted Ronan to feel welcome and know that he deserved his own space, to know that Kavinsky was willing to give him his space when he needed it.]

damn
I guess I'll take Skov too if I've gotta

[He knew Skov would be offended by the joke, even if he was just as important to Kavinsky as any of his boys were, but that'd never stopped him before.]

first, r u coming to my party tonite?
I cud drop off something before then
wherever ur at

dont lie
you care about him like the rest of your boys

[The tone is lighter than it might have been on another night. Kinder, maybe. Maybe it was understanding that he was one of Kavinsky's boys too, even if the tone was a little bit different.]

i was planning on it yeah
and if youre gonna stop by
maybe ill even let you give me a ride

[He sends him the location, and tries to not seem too enthusiastic about it. He doesn't say that this is a certain sort of gift, but it is.]

u got me there

[He could still remember when they'd practically been kids, when Swan had introduced him to Skov. Some memories stuck out more than others, like Skov puking in the hall of the mansion, but there were good things, too.]

sounds like a date

[He was teasing but also he wasn't. He and his boys ride shared all the time, especially if one of them was planning on getting really fucked up and needed a more responsible driver. As if any of them could be called responsible.

But the important part was, he had a present for Ronan and he was already on his way out the door. He just hoped it wasn't too...romantic? Sappy? It was easier when his gifts were hats or scars or almost gag gifts like dildos. This was something a little more serious.]

[The gps ping he left for Kavinsky leads to the sort of place you probably wouldn't associate with Ronan Lynch. Which is to say, it's the sort of place that Ronan did his best to keep people from associating with him. A small country road just outside Henrietta, shaded by sleepy trees, leading to a strange little farm with a house and various oddly-shaped barns that dotted the too vibrant hills. Niall's sleeping fairy cows in one of the paddocks, and the gravel driveway where Ronan's BMW and Swan's VW Golf currently sat.

There's a small bonfire and loud music and what is probably the shadow of three boys and too many bottles in a not-too-distant field.

This is Ronan's home. But more than that, it's a dreamer's home. There's no hundred white Mitsubishi's, but Kavinsky of all people can probably pick up on the secrets left in plain sight, tell that this is a little like his dreaming field. By the time he parks his car, Ronan's there with a soft sort of smile, holding a beer bottle out in offer.]

Took you long enough. You drive under the speed limit and everything?

[Which translated for his particular vocabulary, says something like I missed you.]

[Kavinsky wasn't expecting the Barns. He didn't know what, exactly, he had been expecting. Maybe something like Monmouth. Something more industrial. This was...homely, comfortable. Suddenly, he felt a little better about the surprise he'd brought with him; it'd fit in just fine here.

He looked pained at the mere suggestion that he'd driven under the speed limit, though.]

Does that sound like something I'd do?

[He took the beer all the same though, circling around to the passenger side and popping open the door. From the seat, he picked up a small rose bush. It looked mostly normal, except the roses themselves were as black as night. There was one or two in bloom and the others were furled buds. It had thorns, of course; they were large and noticeable. The whole thing looked like it'd been dumped in a pot and then had more dirt packed around it, like either it'd been dug up or hadn't been in the ground to start with. It was healthy though; Kavinsky was sure of it.]

You like plants, right?

[Potted rose in one hand and beer in the other, he nudged the car door closed with his hip.]

[Ronan laughs it off as Kavinsky looks pained at the easy ribbing about how slow he may or may not have been driving. Mostly it was just because otherwise he sounded too needy, like he wanted the other boy more than he knew how to put into words, even if he was getting better. Learning to let his walls down a little and let Kavinsky and his boys in.

He wasn't expecting the roses, though, and that catches him a little off-guard. Affects him a little bit as he can tell that they're something more than real -- they're black as night, and blooming against green leaves, with obvious thorns. It looked like a real rosebush, not like something dyed or engineered, but like they bloomed like that. And he knew how Kavinsky had done it, of course, but it was still... It was for him, and it caught his breath in his throat for a moment, and he shook his head a little bit wryly at the question.]

Fuck, K. Yeah, yeah I do. C'mon- bring it in the house and I'll find a place for it. I'm sure Swan and Skov can find a way to entertain themselves for a while.

[There's a vaguely suggestive curl of his voice that says that he has an idea of just how they might manage that, but not like he particularly objects. It's just a rosebush, but at the same time, it's more than that. It's something that says Kavinsky sees more of Ronan than he thought he allowed for. He leans in close for a moment, almost like an embrace but not quite- tugging against his shirt with a soft sort of urging.]

Great.

[Because he didn't know what the hell else he would've done with this rose bush. He handled it gingerly, bandaids on a few of his fingers saying he'd learned the hard way how sharp the thorns were. Potting it had been a little bit of a fight, but maybe that just made it all the more perfect for Ronan.

He glanced in the direction of the distant fire, snorting in amusement.]

Give them any sort of time to themselves and they'll find entertainment.

[Or even with an audience. He knew Skov might have had shame at one point but didn't anymore. Besides, this place was kind of...romantic.

His hands were occupied, carefully balancing the rose in one and holding the beer in the other, but that didn't stop him from leaning in quick to kiss Ronan on the cheek. Because he could and he didn't think Ronan was going to object.]

[Ronan wasn't blind to the parallel, to the fact that he had thorns too, that he tended to bite as well, when Kavinsky wasn't careful. He loved the flowers anyway, though. More than himself, it reminded him of the other dreamer, of the fact that he cared enough, thought of Ronan like this to dream them for him.]

Well, I guess they can have that for a little while, anyway.

[He grins, a little bit wicked at Kavinsky's teasing about his friends. He hums softly as the other boy leans in and kisses him on the cheek, a soft affection about him for a moment that he doesn't give to most people. He pauses for just a moment, almost wants to stop and kiss him properly- but he doesn't want to risk what might happen to the rose blooms.

So he leads Kavinsky into the house, a crooked sort of smile as he opens the door and steps inside. It's clearly the place where Ronan grew up, but it also clearly is the house of a dreamer. It's luxury but with a worn sort of comfort to it, the sort of place to grow up with brothers and a dreamt fairy-bride mother. Ronan didn't know how to bare his heart in words, but as far as gestures went, this was pretty close.]

My room is just down the hall.

[There was a weight to this place, somehow-- that even empty of his parents and brothers, there was something about the Barns that was like another piece of his childhood. They did not talk about the dreams, and yet they were hidden in plain sight; so ubiquitous that Ronan hadn't known the difference. Or maybe it was just that he'd always been a bit oblivious.]

[They would have plenty of time to kiss; Kavinsky was sure of it. Either here or later at his party. For now, he was content to follow Ronan into the house, sipping his beer as they went. Ronan's house was the kind of place that made you feel bad about wearing your shoes inside. Not because it was particularly spotless or anything, but because it had that barefoot-mornings kind of feel to it.

It was homier than any place Kavinsky had ever lived. He felt envious, maybe a little jealous, but he didn't say a word about it. He just kept his shoes on and followed Ronan.

It was just the two of them inside and his hands were full, but he'd never wanted to hug Ronan more.]

What was it like? Growing up here?

It was...

[It was a harder question to answer than Ronan had really anticipated, so he's quiet for a moment as he leads the way into his bedroom. There's a plant in the window, although it's more pedestrian. At first glance, at least- until you notice that instead of flowers it offers chocolate-covered peanuts. Also dreamt, of course. If anything it just speaks to how well Kavinsky's black rosebush fits him.]

Growing up here, this was a place-- I didn't think I needed anything else.

[He takes the rosebush from Kavinsky, moving his plant with its chocolate peanuts to his desk, next to a model car, so he could put it by the window. He stroked a finger carefully against one of the blooms, still taken with the gift as he turns to look at Kavinsky. His blue eyes warmer than usual, tinged with affection as he looks at the other boy.

He crosses to him so he can lean in, not quite kissing him but promising it in the air between them. The way the distance between them is almost magnetic. But instead he brushes fingertips against his jaw, letting his fingers linger.]

I was wrong, though.

yeah?
if you like watching
then maybe ill wear one of your shirts for you later

[He didn't mind giving Kavinsky an excuse to watch him, after all. And yeah, maybe it had come out a bit stalker-ish, but Ronan was in a good mood and didn't mind being kind enough to run with his intention.. in part because teasing him about it seemed like it would be more fun if he saved it for later.

And, well- there's something about the text that Kavinsky sends next that disarms him. He can't help feeling not just welcome, but wanted, and it warms him inside out. He swallows for a moment, smiling in part because he knows that Kavinsky can't see it.]

id like that a lot.
ill bring some stuff with me
and we can see how long it takes you to get sick of me

[More things than he'd originally planned on. Including probably a raven; not just things to stay overnight but like their lives might really fit together. He didn't know how to say how much he wanted that, but it's in between the lines of that almost-joke about Kavinsky getting sick of him.]

[If anything, he was amused by the sight of the plant and its chocolate-covered peanuts. He wondered how many other things were dreamt, as he looked around Ronan's bedroom. It felt intimate being here, but not in a sexual sort of way, more like-- like a vulnerability. It was exactly the opposite of Kavinsky inviting anyone into his home.

Glad to have a free hand when Ronan took the rosebush, Kavinsky combed his fingers through his hair, looking around again. Quickly, his attention returned to the other boy, and he swore he was going to kiss him. But he didn't. They were close enough that Kavinsky could have taken the kiss himself, but he paused.]

You're lucky. I've never felt that way about any place I've grown up in.

maybe u could give me a show too

[Wink, nudge. Trust Kavinsky to be able to make any moment perverted. But to be fair it'd already been leaning that way anyway. Or had it just been cute? Either way, he'd seen an opportunity and he'd taken it.]

sounds good
I doubt I'll get sick of u

[He couldn't say the same about Ronan getting sick of him though. It was always something he worried about.]

maybe if you say pretty please

[Whether things had been leaning towards cute or filthy was a matter of interpretation, and things were comfortable enough that Ronan didn't mind when Kavinsky started to push things in that direction. He didn't even really mind the fact that he was looking for a strip tease -- he didn't think he'd be particularly good at it, but he trusted him to appreciate it anyway.]

youre gonna have to put up with me for a while then

[Ronan hasn't shaken that part worried about pushing people away- even people like K, like Jiang and Skov and the rest of his boys.]

[Oh, he was talking about a different kind of show, but he'd accept a striptease, too. It'd be endearing if nothing else. And hot even if Ronan was bad at it.]

I don't say please for anybody
except maybe for u

[He'd probably make an exception for Ronan. Good thing he had some time to think about it and wrestle with the matter before he faced the other boy.]

I'll do better than put up with u

[With Ronan around, the house might actually feel like a home. Kavinsky might feel like he wasn't alone for a change.]

youre gonna make me feel all special

[Ronan wasn't thinking quite so explicit- at least not yet- but it wasn't like there was much he wouldn't do if Kavinsky actually did ask for it. He was half-teasing, though; he could probably get Ronan to play along even without saying please.]

yeah? be still my heart.

[It's flippant, but the truth is that the reassurance means more than Ronan really knows how to own up to in the moment. But- he wants it. He wants... he wants all the stupid shit. He wants a place where Kavinsky feels like he really has a home, a place that wont be as empty for Ronan as the Barns. The familiarity means a lot to him, but he misses the stories, the barefoot mornings, the constant sound of other peoples' lives close enough to touch his own.

He wants to admit that he loves a boy and wants that boy to touch him without feeling guilty. But he's still working on it.]

[The truth is this: every fiber of him wants to say fuck it all and just tell Kavinsky yes, tell him just how much he needs it. But it's vulnerable in a way that makes it harder than it should be.

And Dimitri isn't a person particularly predisposed to the truth anyway, and this is a difficult thing. Eli had burned him in ways that he tried his best not to think about, not to focus on. He knows what it's like to love a boy like that and be left raw, cut apart in the aftermath -- because he still is. But he doesn't know how to put that into words, to prevent it from seeming like he's just giving Kavinsky the setup for something about how he doesn't know him.

He's not sure he could get his feet back after something like that.

The easy thing here, would be to just pounce on the sex joke implicit in how Kavinsky curses halfway through his line about how they could be something. But that would wreck the possibilities here, and Dimitri isn't willing to do that, even when it's tempting to just laugh it off. But it's in his eyes how much he wants it. Not that he hadn't had friends back in NYC, that he didn't have acquaintances at Aglionby that could be called friendly. But-- it wasn't the same. It wasn't enough.

He shifts, more overtly leaning in against the car's window so that he can look at Kavinsky properly, despite the other boy's sunglasses. Dimitri's body language becoming something less casual, not like halfway feigned disinterest. More honest, more something raw as he exhales, his breath a little rough. He was damaged, broken pieces held together with lies and a smile. But fuck, he was so alone. There was never a real possibility he'd say no.]

Never's a long time, Ioska. But yeah. If you want... fuck. If you're serious then I'm in. Might even be able to make your dreams less messy, unless you like playing rough.

do u usually not feel special?

[If the answer was 'no', Kavinsky was going to have a lot of work ahead of him. He usually didn't care if someone felt special or not, even if they were special to him, but it was different with Ronan. Ronan deserved everything good.]

might be the only time ur heart gets a break
I plan on giving it a workout

I don't fuck around about this kind of shit.

[He'd made this offer only a handful of times, and only one person had ever rejected him. The other four...he might tease them and joke around and act careless, but he wouldn't give them up for the world. They were all he had and he needed them as much as they needed him. But there was always room for more, to expand the family a little. It was like the saying went; the more the merrier.

Dropping his hand away from his face, he took a deep breath. He wasn't sure his boys would be enough to pull him back from the edge this time, but maybe Dimitri could. He already knew his biggest secret, that he was a dreamer. His obsession with Lynch was only a secret if you were completely deaf and blind.

Everybody needed someone.]

Who says my dreams are messy?

[He didn't take his sunglasses off, but they'd slid down his nose far enough to let him look up at Dimitri above the rims.

He handled his dreams just fine, though he guessed keeping them on a leash wasn't always the solution to things. He controlled them to the best of his ability, made them his instead of the other way around. He had to, for his own safety and sanity. But, he wouldn't turn down ways to get better at handling his dreams, either. There'd just never been anyone who could teach him.

He couldn't stop himself from throwing in an innuendo though, smirking even if it didn't reach his eyes.]

But I always play rough.

Okay. Then I'll stay.

[He doesn't say it like it's an easy thing, but like he means it, a quiet sort of earnestness as he looks at the other boy like there's an always in there somewhere.

It's not like it's a hard choice for him to make, anyway. Not with Kavinsky of all people. And he really was lonely, had been always different, kept apart from most people by how he saw the world. Elijah had been the first time he'd really thought that someone might want him like that, but maybe he should have known better. The only person so far that seemed to be able to enjoy his company on a consistent basis was his younger sister, which didn't say much. But Kavinsky was- the first. When he'd still been figuring it out himself. Just once but he remembered him.

He doesn't blame him. Not for Ronan, and not for anything else. And Dimitri was mostly a dream these days, and he'd always spoken the language better than Elijah. He couldn't bring them back like a Dreamer could, but he understood how it worked, how things fit together in ways that the other boy hadn't seemed to understand until he'd started to show him. The things he brings back are the feeling of the dream itself.

He imagines its similar for Kavinsky-- although he's far better than Elijah had been when they'd met.

He can't help smiling, something that's almost suggestive, almost a tease that he doesn't actually say outloud when Kavinsky says that he always plays rough. It's the sort of banter that he enjoys, even if the mood isn't quite right. But more than that, he doesn't want to get pulled away from the question that he wants to ask.]

I can find you in your dreams, if you want me to. Do it together.

[He's learned to ask permission, even if he figures Kavinsky might be less worried about those sort of particulars than Elijah had been.]

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