[Ronan's voice hitches as the other boy's fingers clutch at the back of his shirt, gripping onto him tight, and his heartbeat skips in his chest, feels like it thuds against his ribcage. Kavinsky feels warm and alive and vibrant in his hands and he just wants to keep this for however long he can. What a fucking mess this was. If only he could have been better, or Ronan could have been better now instead of when it was all too late--]
I want you in my life, K.
[It's not an easy thing to say, but it is true. Truer than Kavinsky knows, even. Because he wants him, but he also wants the thing that goes along with it. The part where he has a life to call his own, where he gets to be more than Alice's looking glass reflection. He was a dreamer, but has he ever dreamt something for his own benefit? So maybe telling Kavinsky the truth isn't just about the fact that kissing him wouldn't seem right. Maybe it's also the fact that it's the only way for him to be something more.
He laughs softly- not at K but just because the whole situation is a mess. Maybe more of a mess than K knows. He smiles at him, and it isn't quite so sad. There's a fire in him, and he burns like Ronan does, it's just not as guarded, so there's more shine. He lets his fingers against his back trail up so that he can curl them at the back of his neck, touching softly, their hands clasped as Ronan holds onto him like he's afraid of losing him, too.]
Never too late.
[He hesitates a moment, awkward and a little unsure, before he pushes it away and leans in so their foreheads touch. He can't help himself, even if he wants to. He wants to give him space or hold onto him, or whatever he needs, but he also.. his eyes are dark and they glint with the faint light through the trees. He's lovely and he wants him, and no one has ever wanted him before.]
Can I--
[He doesn't finish the question. Not with words, anyway. It's sudden and impulsive, but he's helpless and he just can't resist the desire. Kavinsky said he wanted him, and he didn't know any way to say it better. So he kisses him.
It is Ronan's first kiss.
He knows what kisses are of course, knows what they're supposed to be like, what makes them good. Because their edges bleed, and they are one another, and Ronan has kissed Adam many, many times. But it was different, somehow impossibly different, to kiss a boy because he wanted him instead of just feeling what someone else wanted. Not quite knowing if this was okay, if the timing was right, if Kavinsky was going to kiss him back.
Where all he could do was want, and hope. But he supposed that was life.]
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I want you in my life, K.
[It's not an easy thing to say, but it is true. Truer than Kavinsky knows, even. Because he wants him, but he also wants the thing that goes along with it. The part where he has a life to call his own, where he gets to be more than Alice's looking glass reflection. He was a dreamer, but has he ever dreamt something for his own benefit? So maybe telling Kavinsky the truth isn't just about the fact that kissing him wouldn't seem right. Maybe it's also the fact that it's the only way for him to be something more.
He laughs softly- not at K but just because the whole situation is a mess. Maybe more of a mess than K knows. He smiles at him, and it isn't quite so sad. There's a fire in him, and he burns like Ronan does, it's just not as guarded, so there's more shine. He lets his fingers against his back trail up so that he can curl them at the back of his neck, touching softly, their hands clasped as Ronan holds onto him like he's afraid of losing him, too.]
Never too late.
[He hesitates a moment, awkward and a little unsure, before he pushes it away and leans in so their foreheads touch. He can't help himself, even if he wants to. He wants to give him space or hold onto him, or whatever he needs, but he also.. his eyes are dark and they glint with the faint light through the trees. He's lovely and he wants him, and no one has ever wanted him before.]
Can I--
[He doesn't finish the question. Not with words, anyway. It's sudden and impulsive, but he's helpless and he just can't resist the desire. Kavinsky said he wanted him, and he didn't know any way to say it better. So he kisses him.
It is Ronan's first kiss.
He knows what kisses are of course, knows what they're supposed to be like, what makes them good. Because their edges bleed, and they are one another, and Ronan has kissed Adam many, many times. But it was different, somehow impossibly different, to kiss a boy because he wanted him instead of just feeling what someone else wanted. Not quite knowing if this was okay, if the timing was right, if Kavinsky was going to kiss him back.
Where all he could do was want, and hope. But he supposed that was life.]