[Whatever he'd been expecting Ronan to say, this wasn't it. Kavinsky went very still. The gears in his brain turned slowly and then faster as he tried to understand what the fuck Ronan was talking about.
He wanted to pull away. He wanted to punch him. He wanted- he wanted everything to stop feeling like it was spinning. Did Ronan really want him? Was this really Ronan in front of him? Did it matter? Proko was a dream but real- he'd always been real to Kavinsky. But there was a part of him that couldn't help but be a little heartbroken.]
You want me. He doesn't.
[Was that what he was understanding here? If there were two Ronans- was one of them more real than the other? Did it matter? Was it enough to Kavinsky? It wasn't like he'd never thought about dreaming his own Ronan. Would he have done it if he would have been able to get it right?
He felt...he didn't know. Not just heartbroken but broken. Probably, it wasn't Ronan's fault. Probably, Kavinsky had been on his way to breaking for a very long time.
He took a breath. Then another. And- he leaned his forehead against Ronan's shoulder. He shuddered with his next breath.]
I don't know-
[What should he do? What did he want to do? He wanted to be wrapped up in Ronan's arms. He wanted none of this to have gotten this bad.]
no subject
He wanted to pull away. He wanted to punch him. He wanted- he wanted everything to stop feeling like it was spinning. Did Ronan really want him? Was this really Ronan in front of him? Did it matter? Proko was a dream but real- he'd always been real to Kavinsky. But there was a part of him that couldn't help but be a little heartbroken.]
You want me. He doesn't.
[Was that what he was understanding here? If there were two Ronans- was one of them more real than the other? Did it matter? Was it enough to Kavinsky? It wasn't like he'd never thought about dreaming his own Ronan. Would he have done it if he would have been able to get it right?
He felt...he didn't know. Not just heartbroken but broken. Probably, it wasn't Ronan's fault. Probably, Kavinsky had been on his way to breaking for a very long time.
He took a breath. Then another. And- he leaned his forehead against Ronan's shoulder. He shuddered with his next breath.]
I don't know-
[What should he do? What did he want to do? He wanted to be wrapped up in Ronan's arms. He wanted none of this to have gotten this bad.]