[It may be a juvenile question, but that didn't make it easy. And the way that Elijah dodged around being specific about how he felt about Skov was sort of immature in its own way, too. And yeah, he had the excuse that he was still a bit punch-drunk, but that wasn't the real reason, either. So he falters a little at the question, struggling as he tries to find the right words.
Lying would be easier, of course.
But the thing is that Kavinsky already knows all of his big secrets, and somehow this seems.. easier to hold between them than the dreaming, or the fact that he was trans. The harder part is figuring out what to say, how to say it to him. Eli's struck by how Kavinsky is looking at him, dark eyes focused, like the answer isn't a joke, is something that matters. It's been easy, up until now, just to tell himself that it didn't matter, this was just what it meant to be in his circle. How could you resist being half in love with him?
But suddenly, it seems like more than that. And he nods softly, a little shy, even if he tries to hide it, to smooth it over into something better than that.]
It's you. I dunno how to say it, man. I just want this.
[It wasn't that he loved him yet. But whatever it was, this thing that drew him to K felt like more than a crush. Because he wanted late-night drives in K's Mitsubishi, he wanted him to see his dreams, he wanted everything he could get. He wanted to make him smile. He wanted new things he hadn't been willing to risk with anyone else. The idea that if he was going to climb into anyone's lap when he was like this, it had to be with K.]
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[It may be a juvenile question, but that didn't make it easy. And the way that Elijah dodged around being specific about how he felt about Skov was sort of immature in its own way, too. And yeah, he had the excuse that he was still a bit punch-drunk, but that wasn't the real reason, either. So he falters a little at the question, struggling as he tries to find the right words.
Lying would be easier, of course.
But the thing is that Kavinsky already knows all of his big secrets, and somehow this seems.. easier to hold between them than the dreaming, or the fact that he was trans. The harder part is figuring out what to say, how to say it to him. Eli's struck by how Kavinsky is looking at him, dark eyes focused, like the answer isn't a joke, is something that matters. It's been easy, up until now, just to tell himself that it didn't matter, this was just what it meant to be in his circle. How could you resist being half in love with him?
But suddenly, it seems like more than that. And he nods softly, a little shy, even if he tries to hide it, to smooth it over into something better than that.]
It's you. I dunno how to say it, man. I just want this.
[It wasn't that he loved him yet. But whatever it was, this thing that drew him to K felt like more than a crush. Because he wanted late-night drives in K's Mitsubishi, he wanted him to see his dreams, he wanted everything he could get. He wanted to make him smile. He wanted new things he hadn't been willing to risk with anyone else. The idea that if he was going to climb into anyone's lap when he was like this, it had to be with K.]