[Ronan had always tried to avoid looking at Adam like this- like he wanted him, but like it was more than that. Like his feelings were bigger than desire, a fire in his chest, eating him on the inside. The worse truth, was that his feelings for Kavinsky weren't really all that different. He hasn't quite said the word love to himself just yet, but that doesn't mean it isn't what he feels.
He flushes and shrugs his shoulders a little bit sheepishly when Kavinsky says he didn't know he was a romantic. He tries to make it careless, like it doesn't matter- but then he hesitates, curses on an exhale of breath. Venom was easier. This-- this was hard. But he's trying. With both of these boys that he can't resist.]
Fuck, I just.. I dunno, man. I always thought you'd laugh if I filled your car with roses or that sort of stupid shit.
[It was maybe an exaggeration, but the point was there, buried in the words- Kavinsky didn't seem like the romantic type, either. And the idea of having the other boy laugh at him for expressing how he felt was a horror worse than the ones from his dreams. He didn't know if Kavinsky wanted him without his sharp edges, if he wanted the soft affection that went with kisses against the Mitsubishi. But Adam- Adam seemed to accept the worst of him because he knew that Ronan was more than that.
So here he was, admitting that he was softer than he seemed, even a romantic. It steadies him from how off-balance he feels as Adam slides his hand into his own, and he curls his fingers against him, although it sets his heart racing. Almost overwhelmed, aching with want, and equally terrified. Not that he'd ever admit that outloud. But Ronan knew what a mess he was, how he was better at breaking things than anything else. But he swallows, nodding at the question, squeezing Adam's hand slightly- like he's proving to himself this is real.]
Yeah. I mean- if I could choose I would. But I can't help it. I- you're both important to me.
[He looks at Adam with that same intensity of before, wanting without his walls up.]
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He flushes and shrugs his shoulders a little bit sheepishly when Kavinsky says he didn't know he was a romantic. He tries to make it careless, like it doesn't matter- but then he hesitates, curses on an exhale of breath. Venom was easier. This-- this was hard. But he's trying. With both of these boys that he can't resist.]
Fuck, I just.. I dunno, man. I always thought you'd laugh if I filled your car with roses or that sort of stupid shit.
[It was maybe an exaggeration, but the point was there, buried in the words- Kavinsky didn't seem like the romantic type, either. And the idea of having the other boy laugh at him for expressing how he felt was a horror worse than the ones from his dreams. He didn't know if Kavinsky wanted him without his sharp edges, if he wanted the soft affection that went with kisses against the Mitsubishi. But Adam- Adam seemed to accept the worst of him because he knew that Ronan was more than that.
So here he was, admitting that he was softer than he seemed, even a romantic. It steadies him from how off-balance he feels as Adam slides his hand into his own, and he curls his fingers against him, although it sets his heart racing. Almost overwhelmed, aching with want, and equally terrified. Not that he'd ever admit that outloud. But Ronan knew what a mess he was, how he was better at breaking things than anything else. But he swallows, nodding at the question, squeezing Adam's hand slightly- like he's proving to himself this is real.]
Yeah. I mean- if I could choose I would. But I can't help it. I- you're both important to me.
[He looks at Adam with that same intensity of before, wanting without his walls up.]