[He can't entirely help being affected by it when Kavinsky says that he's not a monster. Dimitri laughs it off, his gaze sliding off to the side, a curve of his mouth in something that isn't quite a smile. There's something to how he holds himself that says he's heard it too often on other peoples' tongues. He's learned to own it too, but it's not as flawless as it is with Kavinsky. It's a sharper thing, still a little raw, still holds pieces of how cruel reality is to a boy that doesn't live in it.

Dimitri doesn't know what he's expecting Kavinsky to say, but it's not what he gets- that question of why, the way that he looks at him so earnest that he doesn't know how to misdirect or push the truth to the side. He'd stupidly thought he could do this without having to expose himself, to give away his own vulnerability.]

Selfishness, I guess. I mean-- even if I was too chickenshit to say something to you about it, I still needed you.

[He doesn't look at Kavinsky as he says it, just kicks his foot against the dirt, sighs through the smoke his cigarette leaves in the air. These are the sort of words they could cut each other with- but Dimitri at least doesn't seem inclined to use the vulnerability of the moment like a weapon. He lets his shoulders curl, and when he looks at the other boy it's a quiet thing. A look that's soft and genuine in a way he never lets most people see.

And sure, Ronan's a Dreamer too. But he has his brothers and his Gansey-- he's sure that his whole life, he's never felt what it's like to really be alone. And that's a different death than the one that ate at Dimitri. But then maybe that's why he's here and Ronan isn't.]

Without you, what am I? I'm just- alone again.

[Last time it had killed him, but he doesn't say that part out loud.]