[Kavinsky took a deep, slightly unsteady breath. He held it for a moment as Ronan said it wasn't his fault. He knew Ronan didn't say things just to be nice, so hearing that he truly believed it wasn't Kavinsky's fault was an honest relief. It unwound some of the tension from his chest.]

I would've helped. [Half-mumbled, the loudest he could manage to speak right now.] I wanted to help.

[He'd wanted to coax Ronan out of his shell, to show him the world and teach him that he could have whatever he wanted. Things hadn't worked out like that. He'd never gotten a chance. Ronan had pushed him away and then Kavinsky had broke. It had been the last thing he'd been able to handle, the last burden he could shoulder before it all became too much.

He huffed out a laugh when Ronan said he hadn't handled it well.]

Yeah, no kidding. For what it's worth though, I'm sorry. I think I helped push you away sometimes. I didn't mean to, but- I just wanted you so much. I'd waited so long, and I'd thought you'd understand.

[That he'd just wanted a chance. And it hadn't been like he would've tried to stop Ronan from going back to Gansey; he'd just wanted to loosen that leash, show Ronan that Gansey's opinion of him wasn't the only opinion that mattered. He'd wanted Ronan to come back.]