[He listens as Kavinsky says it, tries to process the words and not just stare at his mouth- because god, he wants to kiss him again. He can't help being emotional; he always has been once you got down to it. And he cares about Kavinsky, and about Adam. And as much as he feels, like he's wrecked for this beautiful boy in front of him all over again, there's this part of him that twists with something maybe like hope- like maybe he could kiss Kavinsky and Adam Parrish.
Because it sounds like a chance, something real. He can't imagine why Adam would make that sort of offer when they were so good together. But agreeing to talk was something he could believe, and it was something that didn't feel like taking advantage of something he didn't even quite grasp. But agreeing to talk about it was hope without promising one way or another.
He flushes at the way that Kavinsky asks him how he feels about Adam. It's gentle, like he knows, or suspects at least. That he knows it isn't an easy question for him to answer. If he hadn't approached it quite so tenderly, Ronan might have brushed it off, but this is- he doesn't know how. He kicks at the ground, scuffing the toe of one of his boots, worrying his bottom lip as he looks at the other boy carefully.]
The other boy. The one I said I liked? It was Parrish. I mean, he's gorgeous. I wanted him but I never would've had the courage to say something. And then one day Gansey's pulling Adam's bike out of the fucking Camaro. And I wanted to try- but you know how I am with that shit. So I just.. I dunno. I just did what I could to make it so that his life didn't suck, or so it wasn't more than he could take, anyway. Like I said, I don't think he ever figured it out. And I didn't ever want to leave you, I never wanted to not have you in my life. But I.. I wanted to kiss him, too. I just didn't know what--
[He shrugged his shoulders a little bit helplessly, looking at Kavinsky like he was still almost guilty about it. But tentatively, almost shyly he reaches up, letting his fingertips cup the line of his jaw. He doesn't kiss him, he just looks into his dark eyes, feelings he's never been good at saying.]
I do want you back. But I saw you in the hall together once. You're happy together. I don't want to take away from that.
[He wanted to- he didn't know. Add to it, maybe, if that wasn't impossibly selfish. He wanted to care for them both, give them all the damaged feelings he knew how. It just wasn't until this moment when he thought that was something he could even be allowed to offer.]
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Because it sounds like a chance, something real. He can't imagine why Adam would make that sort of offer when they were so good together. But agreeing to talk was something he could believe, and it was something that didn't feel like taking advantage of something he didn't even quite grasp. But agreeing to talk about it was hope without promising one way or another.
He flushes at the way that Kavinsky asks him how he feels about Adam. It's gentle, like he knows, or suspects at least. That he knows it isn't an easy question for him to answer. If he hadn't approached it quite so tenderly, Ronan might have brushed it off, but this is- he doesn't know how. He kicks at the ground, scuffing the toe of one of his boots, worrying his bottom lip as he looks at the other boy carefully.]
The other boy. The one I said I liked? It was Parrish. I mean, he's gorgeous. I wanted him but I never would've had the courage to say something. And then one day Gansey's pulling Adam's bike out of the fucking Camaro. And I wanted to try- but you know how I am with that shit. So I just.. I dunno. I just did what I could to make it so that his life didn't suck, or so it wasn't more than he could take, anyway. Like I said, I don't think he ever figured it out. And I didn't ever want to leave you, I never wanted to not have you in my life. But I.. I wanted to kiss him, too. I just didn't know what--
[He shrugged his shoulders a little bit helplessly, looking at Kavinsky like he was still almost guilty about it. But tentatively, almost shyly he reaches up, letting his fingertips cup the line of his jaw. He doesn't kiss him, he just looks into his dark eyes, feelings he's never been good at saying.]
I do want you back. But I saw you in the hall together once. You're happy together. I don't want to take away from that.
[He wanted to- he didn't know. Add to it, maybe, if that wasn't impossibly selfish. He wanted to care for them both, give them all the damaged feelings he knew how. It just wasn't until this moment when he thought that was something he could even be allowed to offer.]