[Maybe it wasn't an easy discussion, but at the same time- the reassurance was more than Adam would ever have asked for. He wanted to cry, and he couldn't help getting sort of misty about it, his eyes damp as Kavinsky's words that Adam wasn't something to just be thrown away slipped between his ribs. It could have been as lethal as a knife, but instead-- it was almost praise, it was Kavinsky believing in him in bigger ways than Adam was accustomed to.]
I just mean-- I figured if you were dating him you'd want time alone with him. To have space where I'm not holding on to you.
[He tries to covertly wipe at his misty eyes, but it's not really all that secret. His breath hitches a little, and he shakes his head a little bit self-consciously. It feels obvious that Kavinsky was envisioning something different; something where Adam didn't have to not be part of it. And that feels.. maybe a little bit more like something he could live with. But for right now, he knows that he can't talk that out the way that he'd want to.]
Why don't we.. we can talk about it later. I didn't really- I didn't really think about it like this. And you make me all emotional.
[It's not really a complaint, and he just presses in against him, cups his face in his hands as he leans against his chest. He's- well, he's sort of half-hard against Kavinsky's stomach. Which is a bit embarrassing, but no one's ever cared for him like this before. And he thinks that maybe he wasn't letting himself how much K cared because it was sort of terrifying. Because admitting how much he cared-- it was admitting that he was worth it, it was admitting that he wanted it, that this was something he didn't want to lose.]
I'm such a mess for you, K. I want- I want to smile for you always. And fuck, you care so much, in ways I never thought I'd deserve from anyone- and I want to hold you and tell you how much that means, and how much I care for you. But it also really turns me on? Just- feeling so much.
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I just mean-- I figured if you were dating him you'd want time alone with him. To have space where I'm not holding on to you.
[He tries to covertly wipe at his misty eyes, but it's not really all that secret. His breath hitches a little, and he shakes his head a little bit self-consciously. It feels obvious that Kavinsky was envisioning something different; something where Adam didn't have to not be part of it. And that feels.. maybe a little bit more like something he could live with. But for right now, he knows that he can't talk that out the way that he'd want to.]
Why don't we.. we can talk about it later. I didn't really- I didn't really think about it like this. And you make me all emotional.
[It's not really a complaint, and he just presses in against him, cups his face in his hands as he leans against his chest. He's- well, he's sort of half-hard against Kavinsky's stomach. Which is a bit embarrassing, but no one's ever cared for him like this before. And he thinks that maybe he wasn't letting himself how much K cared because it was sort of terrifying. Because admitting how much he cared-- it was admitting that he was worth it, it was admitting that he wanted it, that this was something he didn't want to lose.]
I'm such a mess for you, K. I want- I want to smile for you always. And fuck, you care so much, in ways I never thought I'd deserve from anyone- and I want to hold you and tell you how much that means, and how much I care for you. But it also really turns me on? Just- feeling so much.