[He murmured it softly, even if he sort of felt embarrassed for being so affected, for needing the comfort, the physical reassurance that they were here together, and they were okay. But he didn't pull away from Kavinsky, and it was pretty obvious that the way he rubbed his back and the murmured words helped ease the spots that had been rubbed raw by talking about all of this, how difficult it was to tell himself that he would get to keep Kavinsky, even when Ronan wanted him.]
I know. And I.. I appreciate that so much. It's just difficult to believe that if Ronan wanted you back that I'd still get to have you. But it's not that I don't trust you, because.. it's just difficult, not impossible.
[It was just still a rough thing to work through. He held onto him, nuzzling into him, shamelessly needy just to touch him, just to remind himself that Kavinsky wanted him. And this was all speculation anyway, even if Adam suspected that Ronan would work through things eventually. He rather wanted Kavinsky to know both that yes, he could kiss him if it happened to come up, but that Adam was unsure about the rest. That he couldn't promise anything, because it was hard to imagine that he could give Ronan enough without hurting himself. But they could talk about it, at least.
And god, the way that Kavinsky says that he makes him feel safe is a feeling Adam doesn't have words for. He just murmurs, holding him a little bit closer.]
You're so important to me. And I want to make you feel safe. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about anything.
[He curls up with him, touches him in a way that isn't quite chaste, but it's mostly just- being tactile is reassuring. And he wants to feel his desire, to feel wanted. Maybe it's selfish- but with Kavinsky Adam feels selfish a lot. He just also feels like he's allowed to be.]
And- I don't mean lose you in the big ways. I mean small things. Like how many days do I give him to spend with you instead of me? Do I stop going to your parties, since that used to be your thing with him? There isn't a way where it would be easy. It'll be compromise. But I want you to be happy. And if-- If you want him, I'd try to see if it could work.
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[He murmured it softly, even if he sort of felt embarrassed for being so affected, for needing the comfort, the physical reassurance that they were here together, and they were okay. But he didn't pull away from Kavinsky, and it was pretty obvious that the way he rubbed his back and the murmured words helped ease the spots that had been rubbed raw by talking about all of this, how difficult it was to tell himself that he would get to keep Kavinsky, even when Ronan wanted him.]
I know. And I.. I appreciate that so much. It's just difficult to believe that if Ronan wanted you back that I'd still get to have you. But it's not that I don't trust you, because.. it's just difficult, not impossible.
[It was just still a rough thing to work through. He held onto him, nuzzling into him, shamelessly needy just to touch him, just to remind himself that Kavinsky wanted him. And this was all speculation anyway, even if Adam suspected that Ronan would work through things eventually. He rather wanted Kavinsky to know both that yes, he could kiss him if it happened to come up, but that Adam was unsure about the rest. That he couldn't promise anything, because it was hard to imagine that he could give Ronan enough without hurting himself. But they could talk about it, at least.
And god, the way that Kavinsky says that he makes him feel safe is a feeling Adam doesn't have words for. He just murmurs, holding him a little bit closer.]
You're so important to me. And I want to make you feel safe. I want you to feel like you can talk to me about anything.
[He curls up with him, touches him in a way that isn't quite chaste, but it's mostly just- being tactile is reassuring. And he wants to feel his desire, to feel wanted. Maybe it's selfish- but with Kavinsky Adam feels selfish a lot. He just also feels like he's allowed to be.]
And- I don't mean lose you in the big ways. I mean small things. Like how many days do I give him to spend with you instead of me? Do I stop going to your parties, since that used to be your thing with him? There isn't a way where it would be easy. It'll be compromise. But I want you to be happy. And if-- If you want him, I'd try to see if it could work.