[Adam has questions- of course he does- but it ends up getting moved to something to bring up later, given the way that Kavinsky just moves on to talking about the ley line, about how he wasn't alone, how he didn't have to handle things alone. And he kisses him- and kissing Kavinsky is always an easy way to distract Adam. Not that he thinks he's doing it on purpose, but it's so easy to get swept up in the soft and tender feel of kissing his boyfriend.
And then he asks about what if thing gets complicated, and Adam quiets for a moment, trying to order his thoughts as he strokes his fingertips up against his boyfriend's chest. He loves him so much. He loves how much he cares, that he doesn't just take this for granted. Like he wants to make sure it's okay for real, that they're going to be okay. That Adam... that he really was enough for Kavinsky. It leaves him a little breathless, torn between wanting him and wanting to cuddle him.
But it's still a difficult question to answer, to work out how to say it.]
So you kiss Ronan. And he wants to get back together. And then we talk about it. You said I wont lose you, that you wouldn't replace me. And I trust you. And Ronan--
[This part felt harder to explain. Because Ronan did make him feel insecure, but he also felt.. he didn't know. It was easier to be friends with Ronan than Gansey most days. They weren't close exactly, but they weren't not close, either. Adam would be one of the first people to say that Ronan was an asshole and that Gansey needed to stop holding his hand, stop trying to tug him in the trajectory he thought he should be following. But he also was maybe one of the only people that didn't think he'd fall.]
He's an asshole, but not like that. Not like you kiss him and he wants to get back together and then he's showing up late and offering to fool around if you don't tell me about it. And I do think you'd tell him to fuck off, but if I thought he was like that- it's not something you talk through.
[He shrugs his shoulders and then he meets Kavinsky's eyes. He's struggling himself; it might seem like talking about things like this was easier for him than most of the boys. But there was a difference between easier and easy. And this was hard, because it was hard to believe that if Ronan wanted Kavinsky back that he stood a chance. But the flipside of it was that he didn't believe Ronan was that cruel.]
He's the only reason I have my driver's license, you know. He taught me to drive- in his car. I drove the BMW for my driver's test. It wasn't like my father cared, and he would have never let me take the truck, anyway. Gansey would have missed the entire fucking point and tried to buy me a goddamn car. So... I dunno, man. Ronan's an asshole, sure, no question. But he's not.. just an asshole.
[He didn't know if Kavinsky understood what he was trying to say. He didn't know if he understood the point he was trying to make. Tense and his voice tinged with that Henrietta accent as he tried to make sense of how they'd handle it if Ronan wanted Kavinsky. He didn't think that Ronan would hurt him on purpose, was what he supposed he was saying. That Adam could trust it if they talked it out, that he could trust them together.]
So if it gets complicated and he wants you back, we talk about it. We see what he wants, and-- and if that's something you want, too. We see what would work, and if that fits for everyone or not.
[It's difficult to say, to talk about Kavinsky wanting Ronan as more than just kissing, as something real. Like he'd said before, this is the stuff where he just doesn't know. He's quiet for a moment and he exhales, a little rough, a slight tremble in his body and he just clings to him, curls into him so that he can nuzzle into his shoulder. His heart pounding in his chest, and he's not upset, he just- it's a lot for him. To remind himself that he trusts Kavinsky, trusts how firm and solid his affirmation had been.]
So, uh... If you wanted to get back together with him, then we'd see if we could figure it out. But like I said before, this is the stuff-- it's hard. I don't know how much of you I could stand to lose.
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And then he asks about what if thing gets complicated, and Adam quiets for a moment, trying to order his thoughts as he strokes his fingertips up against his boyfriend's chest. He loves him so much. He loves how much he cares, that he doesn't just take this for granted. Like he wants to make sure it's okay for real, that they're going to be okay. That Adam... that he really was enough for Kavinsky. It leaves him a little breathless, torn between wanting him and wanting to cuddle him.
But it's still a difficult question to answer, to work out how to say it.]
So you kiss Ronan. And he wants to get back together. And then we talk about it. You said I wont lose you, that you wouldn't replace me. And I trust you. And Ronan--
[This part felt harder to explain. Because Ronan did make him feel insecure, but he also felt.. he didn't know. It was easier to be friends with Ronan than Gansey most days. They weren't close exactly, but they weren't not close, either. Adam would be one of the first people to say that Ronan was an asshole and that Gansey needed to stop holding his hand, stop trying to tug him in the trajectory he thought he should be following. But he also was maybe one of the only people that didn't think he'd fall.]
He's an asshole, but not like that. Not like you kiss him and he wants to get back together and then he's showing up late and offering to fool around if you don't tell me about it. And I do think you'd tell him to fuck off, but if I thought he was like that- it's not something you talk through.
[He shrugs his shoulders and then he meets Kavinsky's eyes. He's struggling himself; it might seem like talking about things like this was easier for him than most of the boys. But there was a difference between easier and easy. And this was hard, because it was hard to believe that if Ronan wanted Kavinsky back that he stood a chance. But the flipside of it was that he didn't believe Ronan was that cruel.]
He's the only reason I have my driver's license, you know. He taught me to drive- in his car. I drove the BMW for my driver's test. It wasn't like my father cared, and he would have never let me take the truck, anyway. Gansey would have missed the entire fucking point and tried to buy me a goddamn car. So... I dunno, man. Ronan's an asshole, sure, no question. But he's not.. just an asshole.
[He didn't know if Kavinsky understood what he was trying to say. He didn't know if he understood the point he was trying to make. Tense and his voice tinged with that Henrietta accent as he tried to make sense of how they'd handle it if Ronan wanted Kavinsky. He didn't think that Ronan would hurt him on purpose, was what he supposed he was saying. That Adam could trust it if they talked it out, that he could trust them together.]
So if it gets complicated and he wants you back, we talk about it. We see what he wants, and-- and if that's something you want, too. We see what would work, and if that fits for everyone or not.
[It's difficult to say, to talk about Kavinsky wanting Ronan as more than just kissing, as something real. Like he'd said before, this is the stuff where he just doesn't know. He's quiet for a moment and he exhales, a little rough, a slight tremble in his body and he just clings to him, curls into him so that he can nuzzle into his shoulder. His heart pounding in his chest, and he's not upset, he just- it's a lot for him. To remind himself that he trusts Kavinsky, trusts how firm and solid his affirmation had been.]
So, uh... If you wanted to get back together with him, then we'd see if we could figure it out. But like I said before, this is the stuff-- it's hard. I don't know how much of you I could stand to lose.