[He could have said something cruel, but instead he says something honest. Because venom and rumors aside- he knew that Kavinsky would be good to Adam. He knew that Kavinsky had been good to him before he'd pushed him away. But he says it with an exhale of breath, like an acknowledgement, saying that he was trying- or willing to try. That if the other boy wouldn't specifically antagonize him, that Ronan would try to not punch him in his handsome, gorgeous face.
He makes a sound that's like a sharp cousin to laughter, shifting so that he can bump his shoulder into K's. Friendly. Like they were friends, or the could be. A match for K's own gesture.]
Shitty attitude, I think you mean. But yours sucks too, so it works.
[Now he's teasing him, almost playful, because the truth was that Kavinsky was better. Sure they'd fought and said cruel things to each other, but if he was honest, he'd always known that the other boy cared. Until he pushed too far, made him suffer beyond what he could take.]
I just- fuck. I was trying to say that I know things are different now. You're got Adam. And I want you to be good to him. So I'm not gonna-- I wont fuck shit up for you. Just because we were... you know.
[He shrugs his shoulders, scuffs one of his boots into the dirt as if you know can possibly communicate all the things that he feels for Joseph Kavinsky.]
I was a shitty boyfriend anyway. That summer- I mean, there was this other boy I liked -- not Gansey, before you say something stupid. And it wasn't like.. I don't think he knew. I didn't want to leave you for him or something. But you know, it made it worse when you wanted to put a name on what we were. It was one thing to be a fuckup when it was just... this weird thing where my sharp edges didn't cut you and you made me feel like something human. Something else when I was supposed to do it right and I was already failing.
[He takes a breath and it's rough, tenses his shoulder and rattles in his chest.]
But the shit I said about not caring, that I didn't want you like that, that I didn't want to date you- it was bullshit. I care, I want you. And I know that doesn't mean anything now. But... I dunno. If we're gonna be friends I can't just leave that where I lied to your face because I was scared. So it's just-- telling you the truth, I guess.
no subject
[He could have said something cruel, but instead he says something honest. Because venom and rumors aside- he knew that Kavinsky would be good to Adam. He knew that Kavinsky had been good to him before he'd pushed him away. But he says it with an exhale of breath, like an acknowledgement, saying that he was trying- or willing to try. That if the other boy wouldn't specifically antagonize him, that Ronan would try to not punch him in his handsome, gorgeous face.
He makes a sound that's like a sharp cousin to laughter, shifting so that he can bump his shoulder into K's. Friendly. Like they were friends, or the could be. A match for K's own gesture.]
Shitty attitude, I think you mean. But yours sucks too, so it works.
[Now he's teasing him, almost playful, because the truth was that Kavinsky was better. Sure they'd fought and said cruel things to each other, but if he was honest, he'd always known that the other boy cared. Until he pushed too far, made him suffer beyond what he could take.]
I just- fuck. I was trying to say that I know things are different now. You're got Adam. And I want you to be good to him. So I'm not gonna-- I wont fuck shit up for you. Just because we were... you know.
[He shrugs his shoulders, scuffs one of his boots into the dirt as if you know can possibly communicate all the things that he feels for Joseph Kavinsky.]
I was a shitty boyfriend anyway. That summer- I mean, there was this other boy I liked -- not Gansey, before you say something stupid. And it wasn't like.. I don't think he knew. I didn't want to leave you for him or something. But you know, it made it worse when you wanted to put a name on what we were. It was one thing to be a fuckup when it was just... this weird thing where my sharp edges didn't cut you and you made me feel like something human. Something else when I was supposed to do it right and I was already failing.
[He takes a breath and it's rough, tenses his shoulder and rattles in his chest.]
But the shit I said about not caring, that I didn't want you like that, that I didn't want to date you- it was bullshit. I care, I want you. And I know that doesn't mean anything now. But... I dunno. If we're gonna be friends I can't just leave that where I lied to your face because I was scared. So it's just-- telling you the truth, I guess.