threesecrets: (148)
Ronan Lynch ([personal profile] threesecrets) wrote in [personal profile] burnyoudown 2022-07-10 04:09 am (UTC)

[If it had just been Kavinsky affirming that yes he was with Adam, Ronan could probably have handled it. He knew, even if Adam hadn't actually told him. Which yeah, he had questions about, but that would be later. It's the way that he makes obscene gestures, the rim of the red plastic cup in his teeth just so that he can communicate in lewd shorthand, just to make it more visceral.

Ronan does not punch him, even if his hands curl. He's trying to be good here. He's trying to talk to him and actually use his words, even if it's difficult and he doesn't even know what to say. But it nothing else, he supposes that Kavinsky deserves his discomfort, too.

But he does hit his cup of alcohol, like some sort of compromise. He's mostly just aiming to knock it out of his hand, because he doesn't want to actually piss him off, doesn't want Kavinsky to decide that whatever he had to say didn't fucking matter. But it's something to sate his temper, a slight acknowledgement that Ronan's still an asshole, he just-- he's trying. Learning to be better, maybe.

Ronan doesn't even deny it when Kavinsky says that he had a good thing and that he wrecked it. Because he did, he knows that he did. But he sighs in aggravation, scrubbing a hand against his shaved head and looks at Kavinsky in a way that is more a strange sort of confusion than actually being upset with him.]


I was, yeah. [It sounds for a moment like he might have given up at the attempts, but he takes a breath and he tries again.]

I fucking-- you wanted to know what we were doing, and instead of admitting how terrifying that was, I just treated you like shit. And I lied to your face. And I somehow didn't expect it when you wouldn't hang out with me anymore.

[Ronan laughs a little, but it's clearly self-deprecating. His eyes almost look glassy, but he drags a hand against his face and lets his breath rattle through his ribs a few times, and pretends like he's fine.] I just.. I fucking miss you, okay? I'm not- I would never- I just wanted to see if maybe you were still into shit like losing miserably in street races. If maybe you could stand seeing my face once in a while.

[He'd somehow imagined a more nuanced conversation, something where he had space to try and explain, but he ends up skipping to the end instead. Because he's still chickenshit when it comes to Kavinsky, cares so much it's hard not to flinch when it comes to saying it outloud. Especially like this, when the scales are flipped. Because Ronan still wants him, has never stopped, but he knows he's already lost that fight.

And Ronan hated cheating on a moral basis, and also on the basis that it felt too much like Declan. And even if you ignored all of that, he could never do that to Parrish. But maybe they could be friends. Maybe Ronan could at least have a chance to treat him the way that he should've the first time around.]

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