[Adam felt- he didn't know. Awed, maybe. Had anyone ever put him first, made him feel this special? It made him want to cry. He doesn't, but he does murmur when Kavinsky runs his fingers through his hair. He trembles, clings to him as his heart races in his chest.]
I love you so goddamn much.
[He almost lets it go. Not because he doesn't think it's important, but because he's a greedy, selfish creature, and being told that he's enough is such a breathless feeling that he wants to hold onto it forever. But instead he just holds onto it for a minute or so, long enough to memorize it, to tuck it into his ribcage where no one can take it from him, where he can pull it out on his worst moments and remember the feeling.
He snuggles into Kavinsky's shoulder, affectionate because he can't put into words how much that means to him. So he just says it in how he looks at him, overflowing with it.]
I know you're not. I trust you, completely, no matter what other people think. All I was saying was-- you still care about Ronan. And I care about Skov and Swan.
[He sighs, but it's not sad. If anything it's warm and light, smiling against the other boy's skin, still curled in the safety of that feeling. Trying to say that what he was talking about wasn't whether Kavinsky would cheat on him or not, but something else.]
So I'm not saying I don't trust that you would choose me. I mean, I'm greedy and selfish- I like keeping you to myself. But I don't need that. What I need is... your love and desire, your attention, to know that I'm enough, that you'll keep me anyway, that I wont lose you.
[He runs his fingers through Kavinsky's dark hair. It isn't easy for him, but it is true. He wouldn't be with Swan and Skov if he couldn't handle the thought of Kavinsky kissing someone else, that there might be someone else he'd care for. Adam wasn't quite hypocritical, he was just greedy. Ronan was admittedly a more complicated feeling than Skov or Prokopenko, where the worst of Adam's feelings would probably be jealousy if he didn't get to watch. But- it wasn't impossible.]
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I love you so goddamn much.
[He almost lets it go. Not because he doesn't think it's important, but because he's a greedy, selfish creature, and being told that he's enough is such a breathless feeling that he wants to hold onto it forever. But instead he just holds onto it for a minute or so, long enough to memorize it, to tuck it into his ribcage where no one can take it from him, where he can pull it out on his worst moments and remember the feeling.
He snuggles into Kavinsky's shoulder, affectionate because he can't put into words how much that means to him. So he just says it in how he looks at him, overflowing with it.]
I know you're not. I trust you, completely, no matter what other people think. All I was saying was-- you still care about Ronan. And I care about Skov and Swan.
[He sighs, but it's not sad. If anything it's warm and light, smiling against the other boy's skin, still curled in the safety of that feeling. Trying to say that what he was talking about wasn't whether Kavinsky would cheat on him or not, but something else.]
So I'm not saying I don't trust that you would choose me. I mean, I'm greedy and selfish- I like keeping you to myself. But I don't need that. What I need is... your love and desire, your attention, to know that I'm enough, that you'll keep me anyway, that I wont lose you.
[He runs his fingers through Kavinsky's dark hair. It isn't easy for him, but it is true. He wouldn't be with Swan and Skov if he couldn't handle the thought of Kavinsky kissing someone else, that there might be someone else he'd care for. Adam wasn't quite hypocritical, he was just greedy. Ronan was admittedly a more complicated feeling than Skov or Prokopenko, where the worst of Adam's feelings would probably be jealousy if he didn't get to watch. But- it wasn't impossible.]
It doesn't have to be something that hurts me.